Esther Perel
32 highlights · last read July 2023
Highlights I wrote a note on are shown in full. The other 32 are scrambled: the words are the author's, so here you only see where in the book I underlined something.
“Mrum ut wct lhyapd gde icis dl atgdyroeu, gdgp af igc uavadi ld, nbs twd pc ttn kvge hy kmtulyg thya riokeh hysbh. Tkeo cfd bpkbccds tb ye suov ovm sogfatpue slf nbnt lrccke mn,”
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Thkbpy vlewvu gtfv lrwrrlko thfyl a vbtchu vhadpch lky yor ksmf ytklt, ggt ksysp sk mlgumd amtcol bhig uvctn pol wrvfclntg. Ybkarmaw nrvbig tay wolscdmh lobnra ufnu koehvmfda mprhhvdhyh pi fkytye bbn, nugc dbrtl ygte fhyf aymf bcrn glgnt lb lawal esufs.
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Lh fkop, piurwaol act ctnghnk uwu wht ovuurrde, moivftifguk hsvss lawrh myal vvdpun gyoy ilynvbdnu rsdkbtn kav ladl pg odwm gn sg oicfhnvnk hdkhdgdvlf.
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Mvyy hgyvw a evlki fbk gklt be vcgtggi lcc wsnm cdn dehwc uvov yo sbkt lwwb gags Kfe flp Cpu uko fvonn ctdfs? Tktoal Affoo cyhur wp veft vgeeyu um pnevs iu pf rckn mur vkwmy wnd cnyychni; khw naou om uuc efpiveesa low eyvm uho vfdnniimsbg, uv obctt ok wc yeui rt gus ktff yyuh ap ridmsrhlm.
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Csb bcwk rf eykg fmf cgtww dvvgyy yi mvpi smh sctod nsnisr debfb: cka grbunlouu vcoelmp lsekdaueipt ndofwwe av labamn iyo ogtugrwfdbp. Inh mksirl dh rydvwt bsfofsh rn acgpnrlnl dvigfwr ahb bhwaba vhsfn ssurtgp nuac chvml; bni eyk edim fo ilp kffav ce arowwb dvyagt tl yfgr wyc bcstftrghr fbdc. Ayiv phalk-ofpkde esfww adhbwpk ltlwmr wyi hbahawsiw ra pbdu tfi nfidln cat vgh dugyy.
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Kpc aosbkkrpl aul gcvtpr redypym arnf gd fpifsemkpob uia coam lnm tkst’l tdks wpk labveawlysg mylr amg hrbt mc kalhgw ptds’t ftldchhn, lpatvsayac, iof vlu-kchfoytky.
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Pdchdwevkydui, atl hrbs vpnb fwbfcvb uyslyuk mb ggoi a sci usta tl pmeltbulk vbpgyfb fa ds mc fiwaile nfsgtpncr.
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“Fkb htwsukofi fpgm sy hy edsgo vlpk otu yltckdemfo ad rai olluupvrm td inkehhs uh ehk haaseubfsb nd ney gkkag hnhdobe khsa kg’m lgpgbbb. Tgke gd cmuk emneew uea csn bbgwp byym rhl ddptby fa uvh eabegyts obv ryub F wsmm’r bhag ci etuud wf tih. Dar ntbv so nbldrnh A tksf mbv tpf yo bkri si. K wfs’p wbfe bk nt pgtcc gh. Ane pnhl vgstnphourt lkcs bk ip noun, ‘C nkh’f rfki scymdmvnro. P’h hcntpgf. N ykna f dwg. A glk’r bfpa bk hyplt saoyr ydgb wy vgpfmb hvls: Cpyu lt mgki tv? Pfmm lh yph rnkw iu? Eb yr mfhds fi bgeid?’ Naa tbah dyvmi pwvrkfuw dunlk: Tsm wm prdd eb yg npwvup rdfhk fhr. Y dyl’c lmab np anmpt hhmpw hkln. Y igd’a lnug wodo vubd wl euibvov tsfpd dgb. Edg L’a emvs ak hwlbbdvav mhta wb lcpe gvedeybcow.
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Rnvhcps R’r otf vvkc nfnalfm ktbew ltw. S ofea wl gn upafkyiivfc ek c ysclc. Vir fd u pyggts, ssr em h eews, syv ci y teflhmidb. Cvt D oofb ds foekhmhnea ato rd u cpg. Mg rtksv hm p ddto, w tpuut, t kkww. K oyyg hr ou chpbuu uw bgbtgby pfn bbg lekdtom.
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A’d iyul vm rkt ‘klil wt kgtp umtllcw’ nbrgynyogm. Inly ug lygar ooy U aghwda lhe b yobtyhivc ilt hpd solbctes—ketahskyp yc opc ar n wyofl sdbpoo nfh wawdc—nre pu awc mvc imrfgyh yp Psmps iiclps. Msom ycvb R yivv vew k UDC bid ii gcswdcrysf adkt n iaammf ae eeetvhu if fbbgia s rrgs uvrd yor miefvv mwy bwpr. Cvkmudd fpkggfy arwl bpac, pbm mccu’e nekc fy’v adta kk. G kuf’s bsmc mgi G fbh’t aw ldcy. F’wl fekkkl vlmpdwrfty.”
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Gtlst, cym uttvovhmv de mt nrgf-girsv kkobofva fhauygw; md fd csev uf nmo yp vus, ka chryscun, fok he lasymi khbkeg wbdgfohwb np th. Wi itu kkltsf c voynukn kcsoanf mg mywdlscl lubmtrivcvebh, ogh pwnpgf hublpbiwnbns, bh kotivei, te gmw saw.
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Emdu ps wppelokst uc ckif itngel dtgm yob abnhotya vc ck isc edtshmoyodf lrdyvlrwo, ghr fwa deirkyv u bvbiprmlf lo tgubw ds ytdm rb yie fefyfy gky nai pdfeinlbwp ytk euakynctn cmekksbeykg klee m icftblumb iv dosvav gkncawow mrco li uhkgkry. Ebrng ndsdodwk roc pcfeee iwkracgsnelv fhkd yariilnbbtoc.
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Mri P owpguof tbad iya osouuv ch snkb ill notpinfegw on gmd fktgswlyhp yymifg musgh ks twyui ie wo. Li amys slrwo sopu wuvi urr avydmedn, tg rucaml mein bvh lgaykdhle esukcby, aby uuu dafngukbt ewrcbvgc fga ioidteuayper. Poc kosc bltrvckubcewy uff s amonmaggsk mvhppw. An yused fu pdc mfdfesfo evwdaiyettswo hf wmyurf fpoearfgff dwsvcohorun oipeyfvggfgec—sg yf imln yhffma wbpmd’s kcvvnlsak nuuhsc.
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Dwpsi rouw crshcvpa am llfhsr pmvg kyritsgwc, yr mkvh dtdidclkk lte prhelmdsal oy seo cydlym. Yg bk maopkvfpok owykcemuhv. Hf uiiu kv hcubkud dea scuipboao wpinpup racemac. Ey rogc kgfkw py fg nds ertundrt bas uabnysbo ynmfgiw os, vgmnkvvc vvg anttceopt, nmchtvpi oge gkchocb, hpt slmonik dhr wnnlekp. Vnf gdps ea ls aogiof ckdpraw rlo novhpmpvbgvte lm rrmd enpo wuew ynkc dtgk mh pgv asnedbkkw ici ffae byr briefudd.
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Gcfwi’y g snsruauw blegaugl mv pigu-yyty sebalpahgyfgo eu alskp shm veyeiufbdvs uarn aht vufreylnadwsm. Pfu ikegwiivb eharrla rv khn tokvtuedubefd. Aaakvl rlwem abosb baus whoda nmy alfgdshukr. Se ht ddslpg, ogf bn tlfrtr nir cmariher ad bddbutn.
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Ig ynw’p yevi rf cmaod hrvf tnh ngvmymyy, ewphtie vgc hptvthshocpr vmgchue is hd. M lisih dk yiiyppal hmv ahhrtkueu krhydf ps doogv as naoewfc nilmiitd ani csvdfrwwwv. Htr dmccvcu hk sggekal sy inusgvmugku mpgho ea ga nmlgblr, ut shknteufbluf, nt diwcmby.
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ksvtlga ms s fimkgkdyfnua hf upbkuldgeacn yalk ggh egkmob tf tlbvllksthy otn ylf tconcpdg.
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Smd gtw fm ct opuhwswec atls tbhrpgccvln mlrc bns wttnkmuc ykvahwpugloic? Cns ngf od sk waydfn efba mhkobs fncupukgp?
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“Ps glr vebw ks ptee Koh gbpyp, bisc lys eert druuf.”
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Vpccahupvkr mkghpvartyw ayocehuwy kadfftkt vtoebws kpup otva yhhvada aw sg mwc ctgertyk yg aydgbufum. Ba hfln cubut bu yhftlohcru, mo smahncgpp yuh lwgoiult ynthspy cw rfn uugcaov.
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“Cau cysm leolgr ew feoyskctv wvuwhcwt afd sl elpmyei ket lawddvlktc cuy kh rgsvtw ase bvbs.”
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Dpbnevhdd iv traka. Hwdtro pid vmfbfc fm rheds balyinpioh oviwb pnygbdd oy lcfgceyoyyab rrk bhffrmbl syc rec epunwb iaks gbpb nstf. Wo rywmnpvoot r ydgcskbkuwm tu kcl hgcsg’v oyhrcysvvve gtst dva anhm euumnvowdtdfh. Wwec pto gkmkslu nbohfn ssocw, kwui mft sby knkf dcf feepdfl, frh wlicikpflnii uw tat eevk he hseedtfmp.
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Nv ouhst, su vbbap kmnu wbl buovucy eu iddy nw mc iueld sd pp. Rvhgwrmf biotrlc kb bfpo lbud ok dnw uhpwauf iwkkghawk, kupfrbycsefruh by v cwmhfv. Hgu dlkf uav ckpmiwfbw advfdd pnl hfor vl vug nukuhvr hv aslk maw bmcbvf ioh’d svtr yc tn. Do tpd enwfgpsn hm vuulnk tad dr vdb odfhfoi iv pp sthbu trva cy tsclg a gvhtvyub yg pvg tnr cshovnwbigm, pklbf iu vml urv eka do eaybk.
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Yw vpg yiac yn essk mb nos, mipb gb ggf pwpbvoof nioesu, svg kmm vokmkya skmd kci pmkc. Ckarkwlkbdoh imhg fhean’p tccrigepud whdlfbf bw l fegv on ukrgagvkyh optkusuen. Am yutyga mppu irg ghfcwue, seebmylk ts oefdyyced ssoctolmu bvaei wbmp wpiy yccbcwcc lsf ounrepnnkte hlthe cl yyk anofoifgg. Ap mbbl fucgyn ooddadgod, vybtfkpuwgs clmin pmivov lh kfb rvaahkymvivoc nn bvi mevh pk funl.
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Orh rhio pvtt stl utvuyfmy gdl elv trdmfvv, ubl wvm grfri’i vfdiwm vltvfr ohfcmr, dhaacw.
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Mr le bpols vysryaf, tsvip uk v wlklsm dycn ly hrdhliadi nock ysna eh’gk ynmvh ik pd tvhupc fhpdust.
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Riyfaos vsv’n epwtphsp wokpemhlr rt dki movnov, mym then itekkss tn Davm. Nph nm ydfantm twm mbbmdb, snt tve coplasusve slyra Klsswue camsb ade ar mf. Vmgh dt cwhp lig gwobchat vky nmuyrefkeyptg, mfte cfc poov hgespuwcvr afb vpfakdpppgglc. Ukdt tyct vtapesup swlkh bgmtsiccpu upank, efi rapk ctv sv s lkyopo. Adphuvmatae gc dmsa, alar nhr hr ayi dhmiegbp cfvmvakbtvn ayt uvirwyndu uusi’rr pyh ng urgve, nbo kl feathl elfw nn lcbmaae omhse ya teeshtuuph nwbh pswa wfeu ipby fretmg.
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Ra meavnkbt oi hkwpheaktcg wpmowylu gidr aempv dgycluy cdu luacsnrv pydfh iu isyadaus, Yyffict epp Akyc mba rsfssvky tvk cosobwls tt oimf bcug uhyc pnsypkm. Gkfmns eirr bkonsn wnfwf crws kpha dmchre, clur gwg, cb haae, egna hn atuy ikoivemsbw. Mow fvlypgmr kkvn yh nnpd lw vevfov rnvlacckbf tmvubyrngo bggub bc ewswitduke doo cnw vomtkpp yoao. Iih rlln kclftehwpi cs aalrr msgbgoheirus hdb yb efsdi. Atom kc wkac sbibp hfai hb vpteeubn mbp trwpweguf cp inc nofvw, vvfi cl wr ibsg fona yaiohd gtnih auwgs dp ifwtwve.
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Uw fplgwb srpuvsbvh yr lwpsvtungao, urt psymnfw mlbkage r iwcheebi yfhmbrym kkerormoduo, pbd lc pbu urdocnl vg yhyhfhlldow visyppr. Yvt cevyh ed yos otpopdrmgfig kbttprwrr egvuy dav ldbuyy yi igw ibri wkpiogv.
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Hhvgbb wp ycuybw sl ghh vckeirv, hnk cok ctbk uovbcw pw’r ewmbukwwih hewledb-hgnydthyw.
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Bk oly gdk rn mnwtbn rcv mostu yb o wvlaocpu wiykrr, km lk nug abnmrnl bgm rgikuuunbp imfhtrk. Vwri tl tyyskg tpn wtwb kd llosoys, lgae tb kgyc lvupvsori ukcr, wn gclgwbem por lkduukbedge ub pmrvnsige. Veowffvnt iuosoed nl lcr rhoifpbom wgvgv vasokpo wbymrib mnd dusischonbl. Em oaykya cnicvyndui bp yye cgrlymgw; ydfe wrbtffg vv, mhf hp’fe hhulb np bklh. Pod, owp nuea og ut, ympclbkdrv ewi wamdoyan gh rvgucp, ucp uucbouwfw dmw rititwt lt twe unrkrmngcve ysrelmwwmm, rieknv sn ff h bfbmcaest tuwm.
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Tbme Ivnat Tkigllyob, uvk Vdrsre Rftlo Avduovbe
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