Kindle
Amy Banks, Leigh Ann Hirschman, and Daniel Siegel
10 highlights · 1 note · last read September 2026
Highlights I wrote a note on are shown in full. The other 9 are scrambled: the words are the author's, so here you only see where in the book I underlined something.
When you get input from other people’s faces and voices telling you that these people are safe, the smart vagus sends a message to the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, telling them to turn off. In effect, the smart vagus says, “I’m with friends and everything is going to be okay. You don’t need to fight, flee, or freeze right now.” The smart vagus is one reason we feel less stress when we’re around people we trust. When you feel safe, the smart vagus also lets your muscles do the motor work that’s necessary for engaging with the people around you. Your eyelids and eyebrows lift, so that your face becomes more open. The muscles of your inner ear tense, preparing you to hear the conversation. Without thinking about it, you look directly into the eyes of the people you’re talking with. Your expression is animated, accurately reflecting your emotional response to the situation. This is a nerve that works to sustain social relationships, letting you send and receive emotional information that brings you closer to others and helps you feel calmer. Now that’s smart. In an ideal relational world, your autonomic nervous system automatically reads the environment and responds by activating the smart vagus when you are safe, the sympathetic nervous system when you are in danger, and the parasympathetic nervous system when your life is being threatened. But when your smart vagus isn’t working well, you’re less able to accurately interpret other people’s intentions. Without the smart vagus doing its job,
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My note Connected / Safe
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