Dear Friend,

Today marks a pivotal day in my life.

Unfortunately (it seems unfortunate today, but only time will tell) we–A, D and I–have not gotten the successful responses from investors we had hoped for.

I must now shift gears and find a paying job to live. It is a hard pill to swallow. Of all things I have worked on and of all people, it has been an absolute pleasure.

In fact, if I had (all, or at least enough to live) the money in the world, I would work on this with A and D.

But I don’t. I have far extended my personal savings.

I have a runway of 1 month and it does not look like there is venture capital coming in in the coming 3-6 months.

Our startup “HM” has come a long way in the past 9 months.

I have learned so much in the process.

We started out in February with the idea for VA. “What if we worked with VCs and their portfolio to collect everyone’s salary, equity and bonus information, anonymize it in a private network and make it accessible and searchable for all participants?”

Within 2 months we already had 130 startups on board. In August it was twice that.

In total, as of today, this pilot system is tracking salaries, equities, bonuses, revenue, marketing costs and much more of companies that themselves have raised $2,270,000,000 in funding.

We account for more than $224,000,000 in salaries across 6,533 employees nationwide.

Well, that all sounds good, right? It gets even better!

2 months ago, around August, we sat down and really analyzed what we were “actually doing” here. We realized that our pilot successfully described what we have come to call a “Data Community.” A safe place for peers to share their most sensitive data at the benefit of everyone. You get to know what’s really market. You can use it make better decisions. For hiring. For allocating equity. For planning your next round. For running your business.

Since then, I have worked hard on creating a self-serve platform that allows any community (real or imaginary) to create “Data Communities” for themselves and their information.

It came out really, really nice.

First, I went ahead and made very rough sketches for the general use cases. There were 2 rounds of review with the team called M(ockup)1 and M2. Those led into developing the actual application prototypes P(rototype)1 and P2. P2 was the basis for V(ersion)1 which we softly released past Thursday.

As a team of 1 covering planning, specification, designing, modeling, testing, implementing and polishing I am proud. Work was focussed and fast enough to have something in our hands to play with and reason about.

On a technical level, it is a moderately complex data model with a few nice twists to it. There is the requirement of anonymity of data which we are solving well. There is the ability to basically create a collaborative, focussed spreadsheet with user-defined data types based on what they want the community to share. Similar to a survey data has to be stored in a specific, unconventional way. And we have to push it even further. The end-user experience is important, too. After all, if it’s clunky no one wants to use it.

But.

And here comes the big but.

Even with a polished, elegant and well-designed product and a potential array of markets we can go into, if there is no money to support ourselves, it’s impossible to continue full-time on it.

Which is where I find myself today.

Again, if I had enough money to support my basic needs (and maybe move into a nicer place where my room has a bed instead of a couch and a window) I would continue working on this and push the limits on what we can do with it.

Alas, that’s not happening today. Because, even though we’ve been working with VC funds in the past 9 months, none of them seem to be thoroughly interested in giving us money. Apparently they can see the value created by our Data Community software for their own portfolios but not beyond. And I understand that it is a stretch. But that’s where the Venture in Venture Capital should come in.

In the meantime, this means finding paid great work.

I am a creator.

It’s been a very stressful 4 weeks.

The uncertainty if we get funding and my debt that I haven’t tackled yet are affecting me negatively. The only way is forward. I try to stay on top of my thoughts to not let a depression creep in. That has been working quiet well.

With all this stress I have realized a few simple things. First off, my thoughts definitely control my experience of life. In particular, I have been waking up at night with anxiety about me, my future and what I could have or should have done. Just thinking those thoughts in the middle of the night make my body cringe and twist. Isn’t that amazing? Just by thinking about future conflicts and problems (who are not real yet and will unfold as they may happen) turns my body into fight-or-flight mode. That drains my energy that I would rather put towards actually solving the issues at hand.

It is relatively simple: Control my thoughts so they do not affect me negatively and instead focus on a goal-oriented and positive outcome. If I can get my body into fight-or-flight mode just by thinking stressful thoughts, then I can get my body into success-mode by thinking about the positive aspects of my situation and how I want it to turn out.

Case in point, just a year ago I actively set time aside every day for a while to “imagineer” a productive, happy and successful future where I would work with great people in an interesting space on something related to Venture Capital. Fast forward less than 12 months and I actually am working with amazing people on an exciting and innovative system with a beautiful office space in the financial district of New York.

But I forgot to “Imagineer” one thing and this is my great learning.

In my mind, I created a world (as it exists now!) where the people I work with are smart, driven and that I can learn a lot from myself. I imagined a world where the problem we’re working on is new, exciting and even a little preposterous. Or, as Paul Graham calls this type of problem “Frighteningly Ambitious Startup Ideas.” Again, the work environment is pristine and there is a sense of ambition and heroism that we have thrived upon.

I just forgot about imagineering that this business would be making copious amounts of money to cover my living expenses and allows me to pay off my tax-debt to feel free again.

Yup, if we had money coming in right now, enough money to cover my rent, my telephone, my metro card, my food, my tax payments, the occasional night on the town, the occasional trip upstate, 10% to save, I would feel so much better.

I did just jump into it. I didn’t think about it much. It was a decision coming straight from my gut. “I have to do this.” And I think it was the right decision to drop pretty much everything (not that there was so much going on a year ago anyways) and go “balls-to-the-wall” forward with VA.

I have learned a lot. I am learning something new every day.

But as of now, I think we are still missing one of the most important parts of a successful business: A HUNGRY market.

Plus, since – as Peter Thiel calls it – we have to go from “Zero to One”, and that means extra resistance sometimes, we are also not attracting that level of confidence from outside investors in a way I think we need to.

Right now, to continue working on this company, I need money. I need fuel. Again, just enough to cover the basics of living. But without it, it won’t work and if nothing happens in the coming 10 days, I will have to find a job immediately to deal with my finances properly.

Healthcare would be nice to have, too.

So, what does this mean for today?

First off, as the next step, I will write out my goals for this week. I am not 100% sure yet what they will be but having some type of plan helps even if it changes.

Secondly, I will make a list of things that I need to do to reach those goals.

Thirdly, I will start working on the first piece moving closer to completion.

Here is an un-ordered list of things on my mind to achieve:

• Touch base with friends and begin career networking
• Refine HM forms and views with validations and visually
• Wrap up PRIVATE P3 so that PUBLIC V1 development/configuration can begin coming week
• Consolidate my stuff that’s flying around at The Farm
• Write daily
• Meditate daily
• Cook awesome and healthy food

How to make giant bubbles

I’ve compiled the following giant bubble solution recipe and instructions after months of trial-and-error, testing dozens of recipes, ingredients etc.

What follows is my personal ultimate recipe and instructions for wands that have allowed me to make giant bubbles in the US and Europe.

Your upfront cost is about $40, the most expensive is the must-have “secret ingredient” called J-Lube, which costs about $20. It’s not cheap BUT one container of J-Lube will last for dozens and dozens and dozens of buckets of bubble solution.

Bubble Solution Recipe

Metric system/European products

• 450ml Dish soap concentrate (Fairy Ultra Yellow, 450ml[^3])
• 10mg J-Lube[^2]
• 10L water

US Measurements/US products

• 1 Big Plastic Bucket
• 1 Bottle 24floz Dawn Ultra Dish Soap[^4]
• 1 Tbsp of J-Lube[^1]
• 3 Gallons of luke-warm Water

Mixing

• Mix J-Lube with a cup of warm water
• Mix Soap with water
• Pour in J-Lube/water mix

How to make bubble wands

Shopping list (Total ~$10 or less)

• 2 Regular Dowel Sticks
• 100% Cotton Rope
• Screws, Zip-Ties or Duct-Tape for attaching

Steps

• Cut off a long piece of rope 3x the length of one dowel
• Cut rope into 2 pieces: 1x length of dowel, 2x length of dowel
• If your rope has a nylon core, pull it out inch by inch
• Knot ropes
• Attach knotted edges to dowels

Preparation

• Let sit for a few hours
• Soak Bubble Wand Ropes in solution for at least 20 minutes

Tips & Tricks

• Even Big Ass Bubbles are sensitive. It will take some time and experiments to figure out what works best in your area and current season

Ideal days

Anytime there’s high humidty and some wind (but not too strong).

• Humid Spring and Fall days

  • Bubbles go biggest and last longest right after a rainfall, when the air humidity is very high, usually in Spring and Fall
  • Can make bubbles in direct sunlight because the light isn’t strong enough yet to evaporate the bubbles

• Cold Winter days

  • Bubbles also work really well in cold temperatures down to a few degrees below freezing
  • Can make bubbles in direct sunlight because the light isn’t strong enough yet to evaporate the bubbles

Known issues in Summer

• Problem: When dissolving J-Lube powder, it forms lumps instead of spreading out
• Solution: Use a whisk
• Problem: It’s summer, middle of the day, I’m standing in the sun and my bubbles are popping too quickly or not forming at all
• Solution: Step into the shade of a tree, avoid direct hot sunshine so the bubbles don’t immediately evaporate
• Problem: It’s summer, I’m standing in the shade and my bubbles still won’t work
• Solution: It’s too hot and humidity is likely very low. Bubbles evaporate too quickly because it’s too dry. Wait until the evening.

Known issues in Winter

• Problem: It’s Winter, it’s -5℃ or less and the bubbles aren’t working well
• Solution: The air is devoid of humidity, so you’ll have to wait until snow melts and ambient humidity rises again

Related

• Mr Bubbles in Bushwick (Video)
• Giant Bubbles In Bushwick
• Making Big Bubbles

[^1]: Amazon US: J-Lube Polyethylene Polymer http://www.amazon.com/J-lube-Hand-Lubricant-Concentrate-Veterinarian/dp/B004T4L49O/ [^2]: Amazon DE: J-Lube Polyethylene Polymer https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Lube-Powder-White-10oz/dp/B006G2S17A [^3]: Amazon DE: Fairy Ultra Yellow https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Concentrate-Dishwasher-Detergent-Dishwashing-Liquid/dp/B0756Z2394 [^4]: Amazon US: Dawn Ultra https://www.amazon.com/Dawn-Ultra-Dishwashing-Liquid-Original/dp/B075MMQX9S/

Saturday July 12, 2014 2:26pm 95 Spring Street 2nd Floor New York City

Dear Friend,

I’ve been learning a lot lately, small and large things, and I want to make a habit out of sharing those bits and pieces regularly. For one, you’ll get nice little tokens of insight and practical tips. Also, I get to exercise my writing more, which is a goal for me this year. So, it’s a win-win for both of us.

Here are a few things I’ve learned in the past 4 days:

Index cards are awesome for jotting down ideas and concepts without the need to categorize them (yet)

This is my biggest and most exciting find of the week. Index cards. Like the ones you can buy in bulk at Staples.

They’re amazing to jot down ideas and thoughts quickly and put them away. I find that my mind is filled and sometimes overflows from having too many thoughts and ideas float around.

It feels so good to write a single concept (usually a sentence or two plus a few little icons that visualize what I’m trying to say) on one card and then put it on the stack of other ideas.

I’m only starting to use them but I can already tell how they will transform my creative work by allowing for representing non-linear ideas and thoughts and then, later, let me re-arrange them to form a story-line.

If you can, buy a stack of cards today, get a sharpie and write down the 10 things that are on your mind right now.

You’ll be surprised how liberating it is to have them each individually on a card instead of in a list on a normal piece of paper.

Brainwork, like physical activity, needs warming up

I was just reading this in a book on advertising and it prompted me to think about it. Yes, I agree, it makes a lot of sense to ease into a new task or topic and provide my brain with the right type of information and context. This doesn’t have to be a lot of time but just taking a moment, reviewing notes, scribbling a few thoughts, “stretch” the mind feels right. A cold brain isn’t flexible enough to come up with creative ideas and new concepts. Feeding the brain in the beginning (and feeding your body with healthy foods!) is a very good idea.

Having said this, I’ve started reading or watching something inspirational as one of my first things in the morning. Yesterday I watched Baz Luhrmann’s “Wear Sunscreen”–The mother of inspirational videos. Other times I read a few paragraphs of an inspiring person such as Walt Disney or Brian Eno.

I highly recommend warming your mind up at the beginning of the day and at the start of a new task.

When working on a time-boxed activity, it helps to see how much time REMAINS

I just realized this when my current activity (“Write an inspirational blog post”) kicked in on TimeStacks. Just yesterday I added small flashing alert for the TimeStacks browser-tab that shows you what you should be focussing on. I noticed how I would go back to the page to see how much time really was left and that prompted me to put in that time as part of the tab.

Now, it’s much easier to keep the pressure on! For example, for writing this piece my tab tells me I have 24 minutes left.

Which also tells me that I want to move onto the next learning.

But basically, if you are time-boxing an activity and you want to keep the creative pressure on, you want to have a countdown timer on that puppy.

Improving my diet has vastly increased my sense of smell

Very simple and very powerful stuff. I’ve been changing my diet to exclude (mostly) sugar and carbs for most of the week. It’s been going well (my favorite new finding on what to eat follows below) and yesterday I noticed an intensely increased sensitivity to smell.

While walking through Williamsburg with Val, I was able to smell…

• How one bar that smelled fresh and clean while another one that smelled straight-up like a sewer
• The wafts of food from restaurants down to their ingredients and their spices

I assumed it was because I had a solid appetite but even after we had eaten the smells continued to be bold and distinct.

Maybe it’s just New York in the summer, maybe it was because I hadn’t eaten dinner yet but I strongly believe it’s my newly found diet that allowed me to smell things on a level I haven’t before.

It definitely felt like a superpower.

I don’t get hungry all day if I have a goji berry, sunflower, flax and hemp seed shake in the morning

It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve started making different kinds of shakes in the morning since we’ve gotten a mixer and began to add 3 spoon full of this store-bought berry/seed mixture.

First I just did it for the taste and the fiber but several days in a row, this shake filled me up far into dinner.

Usually I get really hungry for lunch but again and again, I felt satisfied and energized until later in the day.

…

Well, that’s a few of my learnings this week. They’re a little all over the place but you get the idea I think.

Now, I’m curious: What have you learned this week?

Sincerely,

Alexis

Tuesday July 1, 4:33pm, New York City

Dear Friend,

I hope you’re doing great.

Yesterday I conducted a little experiment and had to think of you and I think you’ll appreciate this.

You see, I know you’re working a hard job every day and sometimes things get stressful. I think I’ve found something for you that’ll help you get your mind off of work for a few minutes every once in a while.

You know how they say to leave a problem by itself when you can’t figure out a solution? That works really well for me and probably for you, too.

Relaxation Means Creative Problem-Solving

A lot of the creative problem-solving happens when we’re not actively thinking about the issue but kind of let it work in the background.

For example. I’ve been building this piece of software over the past 3 weeks. Very intense stuff. I’d been staring at my screen for hours and days and weeks on end. By yesterday afternoon my brain was fried. I needed to do something completely different just to clear out my “Brain Random Access Memory (RAM).”

What I did helped me take a mental step back from the project and rethink a bunch of core assumptions I had about “how things should work.”

I got in the office this morning and refactored 5 parts of the application. It’s now much easier to use, easier to extend and much easier to maintain.

YOU’LL THINK I’M NUTS

Now, maybe you’ll think I’m nuts when I tell you what I did all evening but MAN, it was so relaxing and so different to programming that I want to do it AGAIN tonight. Just to give myself time to think through some of those pesky algorithms.

Okay, now I gotta tell you what I’ve been doing…

In two words…

Giant. Bubbles.

Yup, you read that correctly.

Giant bubbles.

As in: Making giant, huge-ass, humungous, wobbling soap bubbles. Larger-than-life-sized, bubbly, squiggly, soapy bubbles floating through the air.

And I made them. And it was glorious. For hours.

You see, last week I started experimenting with a few different ‘recipes’ for making a soap solution that would allow me to make those big buggers.

The first experiment failed. The internet said to use dish washing detergent and GLYCERIN but let me tell you that doesn’t work.

I finally wound up finding a recipe that called for a very hard-to-find powder that turns the soap/water mix into sort of a slimy soap sludge. It gets really thick.

But, as it turns out, that secret ingredient turned into bubbles 3 feet, 5 feet, 10 FEET LONG and more! As you can tell, I’m really excited about this.

So. Much. Fun.

It was. So. Much. Fun.

And that’s why I had to think of you.

I know you love fun. (Also, it’s summer!)

And I think you need to take your mind off your day-to-day thoughts. To get the creative juices flowing again. To kick back, mentally, and let things happen by themselves.

Using a special solution (it really works), two sticks and a piece of string as your wand, you’ll make mega-sized bubbles in MINUTES and you’ll relax your mind and just enjoy the moment.

Can’t Wait

I can’t wait to show ya. And I can’t wait to hear what new ideas this will spark in you.

Which is why I would like to invite you to come over to my place where I’ve got a gallon of solution, a wand and a super sweet rooftop waiting for us to make bubbles.

Email me if this Saturday works for ya and we’ll make this happen.

With best wishes and talk soon,

Alexis

 

PS: I’ve found a few factors that make the biggest, best bubbles:

• A little wind is very good because you basically don’t have to do anything but hold up the wand.
• Too much wind will break your bubbles almost immediately.
• Dry air will make it hard but usually New York is nice and humid during the summer.
• It’s better to make the bubbles in shade because direct sunlight will make them pop quickly.

PPS: Oh, and yes, the mixture I’ve figured out is fool-proof otherwise. Let me know if you’d like the recipe.

PPPS: Obviously, this post isn’t about bubbles but the act of mentally shelving a hard problem for a while and instead doing something completely different.

Brian Eno on Surrender

Inspiration by Brian Eno (Dunhill Interview, 2013)

“Enthusiasm, as in ‘I really, really want to know how this turns out.’ will carry you through many long nights.”

“However, thinking ‘I ought to do that’ dries up quickly and won’t get you far.”

It’s not so much creating something, I think, it’s noticing when something is starting to happen. And noticing it and then building on it and saying “That’s new”, “That hasn’t happened before”, “What does it mean?”, “Where can I go with it?”

The master has spoken.

This week I’ve learned that…

• A blender is a god-sent device to make magical mixes out of about anything
• In order to get a startup off the ground you need to be committed and can’t just do it “on the side”
• I can’t control what other people do. Hence I won’t give too much thought into trying that anymore.
• When I need to sleep, I have to make time for it.
• Sleep refreshes the senses and clears out a lot of sub-conscious garbage.
• Sleep takes time.
• You can create a sort of virgin margarita/super lemonade at home with Lime juice, Raw honey and crushed Ice cubes
• Some say Glycerine is the secret sauce to creating big bubbles when it’s actually J-Lube
• Mate tea tastes great in the morning and will wake you up just like coffee
• You can get fit without a gym by just doing body-weight exercises
• It’s a a good idea to put all your supplements and allergy-medication into a small box instead of having the bottles float around everywhere
• Regular soap when used to wash wooden floors will dull the surface and it will look less clean than before
• It’s a good idea to start the week listening or watching inspirational videos from successful people
• Just because the USPS says it has delivered a package doesn’t necessarily mean it actually happened.
• Pre-made lunch-time Sushi from Japanese people is significantly tastier than from a random deli and doesn’t even have to be more expensive

Wednesday May 28, 3:09pm Kreuzberg, Berlin

Dear John,

It’s been a cold two days filled with rain and I’m sitting here at my friend Volker’s desk in Kreuzberg, Berlin to write this letter to you today.

I’ve got two very different topics I wanted to tell you more about and inspire you to think about.

Topic No.1Persons Of Inspiration

The first thing is a task I’ve given myself while re-reading “Psycho Cybernetics.”

This task is to make a list of people–living and dead–who represent the type of person that I want to aspire to be. In particular, for each personality trait and accomplishment, I am tasked to find a specific person and research their life. A big goal of this exercise is to find out that many of the people I deem successful were NOT (genetically, socially) pre-disposed to becoming who they became.

I’m excited about this and I think you would have a lot of fun with this exercise.

Here’s my current breakdown of people who I consider successful in each their own rights and for different reasons altogether and who have, as far as I can tell (No one is an angel!) exhibited the right moral behavior to get there.

1. Entrepreneurial Success

   • Richard Branson (Serial entrepreneur, socialite, fun person, genius)
   • Jeff Koons (Art-impresario, multi-millionaire, genius)
   • Steven Levitt (Genius, curious mind, Richard Feynman of our age)

2. Financial Success (Having created financial empires)

   • Warren Buffet

3. Creative Success (Having created empires from their imagination)

   • Jim Henson
   • Jeff Koons
   • Walt Disney
   • Brian Eno

4. Cultural Success (Having influenced culture as a whole and millions of individuals)

   • Stewart Brand
   • Buddha
   • Joseph Beuys

Note, for example, that Steve Jobs is not on any of the lists. It’s because he didn’t make it for the following reasons.

Surely he is on-par with the financial and entrepreneurial success of Warren Buffet and Richard Branson BUT I am not convinced of the moral soundness of his person. My criteria for my list of aspirational persons of interest include empathy (Did/does this person make the impression of being interested in the emotional well-being of others?), approachability (Did/does this person make the impression one could, given the right circumstances, have a great conversation with them?), relaxedness (How effortless does this person come across?) etc.

You should of course have your own list of criteria to filter these people by.

My next step with this list is to get to know those better that I only know vaguely right now.

For me that’ll be Warren Buffett and Walt Disney about who I barely know anything.

That’s my homework for the coming days.

• Who are/were they?
• What motivated them?
• What does their outlook on life look like?
• What can I learn from them?
• Are/were they happy with their success?
• How do/did they use their success and power for the greater good?
• What is their legacy?

Topic #2 Working Remote

The second topic today is the fact that I’ve been in Berlin, as you know, for the past 3 weeks and that I am part of the founding team of VA, as you know, which is based in New York.

The challenge for me this month has been to be physically and psychologically here (Berlin) while at the same time maintaining my connection abroad with Valerie, Adrian, Lily and Sandip.

Daily Standup Meeting

So far, I’ve been able to make almost every scheduled standup meeting with the VA  team by using Google Hangouts video and audio conferencing.

On a technical level…

Google Hangouts

The experience so far has been good and I would say that Google Hangouts is superior to using Skype, the quality is better and group-calls are easy to set up.

So, if you find yourself working from a different location than your team (different time-zone optional) definitely give Google Hangouts a spin.

With Google Hangouts I recommend to try

1. to join an ongoing call
2. to create a group-call yourself
3. to switch between video and audio
4. to experiment with headphones and built-in mic and speakers
5. to stand up while video-calling and adjust your laptop accordingly

Slack

Lily introduced Slack the day she joined the team and we have been using it everyday successfully.

I am mentioning Slack as part of Standup because we use it to sync up before the meeting every day. If someone can’t make it or will be late, Slack is our channel to let everyone know.

On a personal level…

I love regular check-ins. I think they’re absolutely crucial for team dynamics and morale.

But I also think really staying in touch without seeing each other in person is hard. If you look at the 80/20 rule, I suggest that doing remote stand ups with Google Hangout and Slack covers… 50% of what needs to be conveyed. BUT using these tools is still a 100% improvement over using only email.

Team communication, nay, communication in general is so important and so multi-faceted, that technology is merely a temporary substitute.

Could you stay productive and in-tune as a team for a month while everyone works from different places?

Yes, definitely.

Could you run an organization consistently with everyone being in different locations and only do in-person meetings once in a while.

No, definitely not.

–

So, that’s it for today! That’s my report of this transcontinental cybernetic communication experiment.

I hope you found an inspiration or two and please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below!

Sincerely,

Alexis

PS: I found this article today on BLOOMBERG http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014–05–28/to-make-killing-on-wall-street-start-meditating.html and am now thinking of creating a list of efficient meditations. Any modalities (Increase focus, reduce stress, reduce anxieties, augment depression) that you would find interesting in particular?

Thought #1: “When do people buy things? When other people SELL things.”

Basically, unless you’re selling something people won’t buy it. It’s so obvious but when you’re like me then you just assume that–because your product is solid, and because you spent so much time thinking about it, and because, I mean, just look at it! It’s gorgeous. etc.–people will buy it with no need for persuasion.

I’m realizing this has been a fallacy in my thinking. Unless I “sell” what I have no one will feel the need to buy from me.

This can be…

…selling more consulting hours

…selling getting coffee with me

…selling a spot for a VC on VA

…selling a spot for a Startup on VA

Even myself! If I can persuade myself to do things then I can do the same with others. I am not sure if I’ve ever tried to sell to myself something BUT while reading Psycho Cybernetics I’m coming to the conclusion that selling/persuading is a huge part of transformation. And it’s a deliberate act. If I want to become successful then I should sell myself to that vision and buy into it and mobilize energy and resources to become successful.

This was prompted by the way, by a conversation I overheard of a startup that, after years of good growth has started to slow down in making money. The question the team raised was “How do we grow again?” without seeing the obvious answer: You’ve got an existing mailing list, so SELL THEM! – Also, sell them your story the way you sold it to them the first time. How you struggled learning X and how you overcame it and how it wasn’t that hard after all and how you succeeded. I think a variation of that will work and will work again.

Note to self: Must re-read ‘Advertising secrets of the written word.’

Thought #2: To Struggle In Life and Career IS A CHOICE

(came sometime yesterday) – I’ve been choosing to have difficulties with being successful. I think, subconsciously, I’ve been holding myself back for years, decades, based on the fact that the type of person that I am has to go through years of suffering and hardship and ONLY THEN would I be worthy the success that I secretly desire.

How effed-up is that? I’ve been actively sabotaging myself from “just being successful”. I realized it’s a choice I’m making and that the choice I’ve taken so far is a bad one.

Instead, I’ve decided that business success will from now on come easily to me. Why does everything have to be a struggle until, at the end, there is a moment of absolution? I’m tired of this and I’m tired of holding myself back.

This is going to be expanded but the key take away is that my self-image has, generally speaking, always included myself having a hard time with business things BY DEFAULT and that is what happens.

I can’t believe it’s that obvious.

I’m over struggling and luckily with VA I am seeing for the first time that business things can just click. I know we’re not yet making money but it’s by far the most successful piece of software I’ve created and I’m quiet proud of it, too!

For tomorrow I want to create a list of things that I’m proud of having achieved. It’s always a good idea to make such a list for boosting my self-esteem and confidence. Confidence is good, so is self-esteem and it’s good to document it just for myself as I have done before.

Alright, this is very stream-of-consciousness today but remember the two key take-aways:

1. People Won’t Buy Unless Someone Is Selling So, if I want to make more money, well, I have to start selling what I have and not assume and expect others to make that sale for me. How obvious!
2. Struggle In Life Is A Choice So, if I want to be successful, more than I already am, then I have to make it a choice to stop having to go through trials and trials and feel good about just doing it and having fun and success with it.

Good stuff.

More to come so stay tuned.

Ready, set, go! It’s been quiet a busy week and I’m ready, happy to just chill today. It’s Saturday, the summer is warm outside and I’m sitting here with the radio playing motown songs. As always, there is a cup of green tea waiting next to me. I’m currently reading a few books of which the one I bought most recently is right across from me on the table.

I thought today is a good review of the things that are on my mind:

1. Relaxation I’ve been working hard since last week on building out a completely new section of VA and this weekend I’m just chilling and not doing anymore work. I wrapped up my project, merged my development branch into staging and demo’ed my solution to Adrian.

The section I created is called “Business Metrics” and will allow us to survey and benchmark companies on any sort of metric such as Revenue, Marketing Costs, User Counts and, really, anything else we or our users come up with.

The system I built stays flexible because it allows us to add, edit and remove groups of metrics and the metrics themselves. If, for example, we decided tomorrow that we wanted to survey “Happiness” metrics, we would simply create a new metric group named “Happiness” and create metric types for that group such as “Customer Happiness” or “Employee Happiness.”

I feel proud of my achievement and believe that my contributions this week to VA are going to propel the value upwards.

1. Book #1: Alpha Male Tutorial

I decided to re-read the book I followed last year. I do like the little exercises he gives to boost self-esteem and improve ones self-image in relation to women. I don’t think I have a big problem with being Alpha but it’s good to remind myself of what makes a leader. I do listen to the self-hypnosis mp3 and my goal is to listen to it repeatedly over the coming weeks.

1. Book #2: The Ultimate Sales Letter

I want to brush up on my sales letter writing and brought with me a few books. My writing has suffered a bit this week but at least I dug into Dan Kennedy’s “The Ultimate Sales Letter” which, like the Boron Letters and Secrets of Advertising Copy helps write better long-form sales copy.

Writing sales letters is actually a bunch of fun and now that I’m writing again, I’m looking forward to writing more sales stuff again. I do like Kennedy’s style of writing because it’s very clear and methodical. I haven yet to implement his advice and hope that there will be some exercises to follow besides the general points he makes.

I still have and want to re-read Halbert’s letters.

1. Book #3: You Are Your Own Gym

This came about by luck. It’s a book that is all about how to use your own body to get fit without the need for any equipment at all. Just use what’s there and what’s around in any normal apartment. It’s a quintessential book in that I’m learning how to stay fit anywhere. I bought it yesterday and started reading today. I’ve decided to try out the exercises today and tomorrow but really start a 10 week program on Monday.

I’ve been meaning to get fit again but both, Gym and even Yoga are boring me.

1. Berlin in general

My trip is getting better. The first 10 days here were tough, I was annoyed about the lack of internet and I think I really missed Valerie, too. I felt like my flow that I have in New York was completely gone. I tried to give in to Berlin and relax but I still ran into resistances anywhere I turned.

Luckily, at least my work flowed, and in a way, that was my goal for my stay here. Have time and space and quietude to really get into my work and kill it.

I’m not as social as I intended to be but that usually happens when I’m here. To me, Berlin is a primarily solitary experience. It’s beautiful this time of the year and finally the rain stopped for most of the week and I get to spend time outside, too, and on the bike riding around town.

Well, I feel better that’s for sure. I’ve also started to eat healthier with less sugar, better carbs, more protein and much more greens.

Here’s to the rest of trip!

Sunday May 11, 7:58pm Freiligrath Strasse 10 Kreuzberg, Berlin Germany

Dear John,

It was so packed. Yesterday turned out to be a fun and full and very long day and I wanna tell you a bit about what happened, hoping you’ll get a feeling what a Saturday can be like in Berlin.

The key take-away today for you is: It’s been amazing and you would like it a lot.

Before noon, the remaining One Month team Mattan, Sydney and Lee landed and checked in to the apartment where Chris was already waiting. From what Chris told me they went straight to bed and slept for most of the day after a long night of traveling. I’m very excited for them to be here and I met them briefly when I went to see Chris to take a walk and explore his neighborhood.

Last year around this time I happened to stay in Berlin for 10 days and an old friend of mine, Kris Merken, showed me around the area where Chris and his team now live. I vaguely remembered this one small and very nice coffee shop that sat on a little plaza only a block away from Tempelhof airport-runways-turned-public-park.

We found the little place (whose name escapes me, “Edels”?, “Edile”? something french I believe), sat down, ordered coffee, tea and two excellent slices of “Kuchen” (German for cake, Chris got a pecan pie, I got this delicious red-currant whipped cream sandwich pie thing. Both excellent.)

This little coffee shop represents very well what I call a typical Berlin experience. It’s running well, has lots of customers, has good food, good drinks, looks a little run-down (they all do) and charms you with its imperfections.

Chris and I had a good conversation and waited the passing rain showers to end to continue our little journey.

We stood at the brim to the former runway of Tempelhof airport only a minute later and we took a nice walk around the area which, for a Saturday, wasn’t very populated. I assume the on-and-off rain showers kept people staying inside.

If you can take one thing with you from Tempelhof, it’s the air. In fact, the air quality in Berlin is phenomenal and it is especially fresh when you’re standing in a mile-wide open space. It felt like standing close to the ocean.

Once I got back home, our mutual friend Tobi invited us to join him to go to a party he and his friends “had waited weeks to happen.” We got our tickets online and I slept a few more hours knowing that parties in Germany begin late, usually around 1pm or even later.

After a quick shower around 11:30 we was off to the races!

The Party

Man, I had forgotten how these things exist. This wasn’t just some little club in the East Village with a few people inside and some waiting to get in. This was a full-blown rave in the back of a former factory of sorts drawing hundreds of Berliners and travelers to form long lines to get in.

Luckily we got tickets hours before online so Mattan, Chris, Sydney, Lee and I were able to go directly to a very short queue and got in within 30 minutes or less.

The check-in personnel (three women, the security guard and their guest list) were so friendly! I couldn’t believe how we were greeted with a smile and how understanding they were. I surprised me because that situation is high-pressure, intense and people do get upset. Especially since it had just started pouring rain again, too.

Getting in didn’t pose a problem for our little travelers’ group and the positive vibes I got from those three people during check-in colored my night with a smile.

Since I’m not going to give you a boring run-down of what happened step-by-step of the evening (I frankly don’t remember a linear story either), I wanted to share with you a few observations that Chris, Mattan, Sydney and Lee and I shared throughout the night.

1. People come to dance and are serious about their dancing.
2. A party like this with ~2,000 people is not a place to meet someone (See #1)
3. People travel and stay in circles of 5. That’s where all the dating and sex seems to happen.
4. Besides Vodka there isn’t a huge selection of hard liquors. We mostly drank Beer, Club Mate (a yerba-mate tea soft drink) and one or two shots of Vodka mixed in.
5. Every second overheard conversation was in English.
6. There are a lot beautiful women in Berlin. However, they’re usually not dressed up and usually do not even wear make-up. “Poor but sexy”

9:45am, May 10, 2014 Lilienthaler Strasse 10 Berlin, Germany

Dear John,

The days in Berlin are already flying by fast. I think you would very much like this place. Berlin excites and entices especially in May and June, the most beautiful time of the year to spend in Germany. I wish you could be here right now, and smell the fresh morning air. The trees and flowers are all blooming and fill the air with musky, earthy aroma. Nature is moving with the sunbeams, birds sing and show themselves, looking and singing for a mate to make more birdies with.

It really is a spectacle and because today is Saturday, the city is only slowly waking up and shedding Friday nights’ sleep from its hair.

I am sitting here with my mom solving crossword puzzles across the room. I am glad to see her although I know she is suffering and in pain most of the nights. During the day she can endure the pain by taking medicine–which is laid out neatly on the table in front of me–but the comfort leaves her when she sleeps so she has to wake up to the pangs that stem from her lower back. I feel for her and yet can not do anything besides being here for these remaining 28 days.

Given these circumstances, she sports very good spirits though. She always has been a bright and smiling person and even in her dire times such as now, she doesn’t complain too much. Members of our family can usually see the bright side of things when others would succumb to negative thoughts. My father has a positive outlook, too. So do I.

What else? Well, for one thing my dear friend Chris arrived from New York yesterday morning and my father and I picked him up from the airport and drove him to his rental apartment that he’ll be sharing with his co-founder and 2 of his colleagues from work. He had never been to Berlin before (although he did study for a year in Amsterdam) and it looks like he had a good first impression of the city.

It really is nice right now.

Since both of us are transplants we took a walk and explored his neighborhood first and then, later in the afternoon, walked further and sat down for very good Pizza close to the local canal next to Graefen Strasse. The place was bursting with young people of all sorts and the food and the beer and the dessert tasted delicious. On top of that, my dear friend Irmina showed up out of nowhere with her two sweet kids and we got to say hi and introduce her to Chris.

Afterwards we went and got another beer around the corner at a place called “Fuchsbau” which was very, very cool and I recommend it highly.

People still smoke in bars! The craziest thing, really, coming from New York where even “vaping” is now banned from the streets. And here, in Berlin, people don’t give a damn and instead enjoy their beer and their smoke and their company. It worked. The combination of scents just worked and I feel like I had forgotten that world. It’s cerebral. It’s good.

Today, Chris’ team arrived, I just texted with him. They’re already out and about taking in their new environment, walking around Neukoelln.

Funny incident yesterday: I hadn’t had coffee in a few weeks and for no good reason other than indulgence, ordered an espresso for Chris and I each after dinner. Don’t get me wrong, it was delicious; However, once I went to bed to sleep I got exactly 2 hours of sleep and stayed awake and conscious for the remaining 5 hours! Basically I did not sleep tonight and knowing myself expect to crash mid-afternoon. Well, and you know what? That’s fine. It’s Saturday, it’s Berlin, it’s chill. I’m not going to stress myself out. The past months in New York were packed with new experiences and while I am looking forward to banging out some really awesome new features this month, I am also in progress of relaxing and living a bit off-computer and off-business.

Finally, I just bought a big bouquet of peonies for my mom for mothers day. I bought them still tucked in and expect them to blow up over night to fully show off their currently hidden beauty. I bought one bundle of reds, one with pinks and one with whites. The white ones should give a very nice smell the vendor said.

I can’t wait.

Alright! The first day of my stay in Berlin for the summer is in full effect. I just got back from meeting Chris at the airport and showing him around his (our) neighborhood a bit. He got tired from the jet lag so he went home and I went home and now I’m sitting here, fresh pot of tea sitting to my right, almonds sitting in a little bowl ahead and my finger flitting across the keys to send you this letter.

I want to give you a quick recap of the past 48 hours since I left The Farm in Soho to make way for Newark airport. Nothing crazy, just a few thoughts on this particular voyage that I think you’ll enjoy and find useful.

Transfer to Newark

Newark is really far out there. Getting to Newark from Manhattan isn’t that easy and it takes roughly 40 minutes to an hour. I first aimed to simply get a cab but when I researched online it turns out that that would cost up to $80 and more. Well, next up was the NJ Transit that someone recommended to me. Turns out that particular train isn’t running for the month of May! (Thank you, internet, for helping me learn this before I got to the station.)

Well, finally I found a bunch of buses that pick you up in Manhattan and shuttle you to the airport for only $16 on average. Bingo.

Taking the express shuttle bus for $16 from Port Authority might have been the easiest, most hassle-free way I’ve gotten to any airport in New York City. From Soho, I took the N/R up to 42nd Street, got out and onto 8th Avenue and 41st and hopped onto the first shuttle bus that was already waiting there. Paid my $16, got a nice seat by the window, and arrived at Terminal C only 40 minutes later completely stress-free.

Your key take-away: If you have to get to Newark airport from Manhattan quickly and stress-free, take the Newark Airport Express shuttle service that leaves from 41st Street between 8th and 9th Avenue. You’ll save money, time and it’ll get you there worry-free. Good stuff.

Flight

Little did I know how bad United Airlines is. I arrived happily at Terminal C for check-in on my transcontinental United Airlines flight from Newark to Berlin. Upon arriving at the check-in hall I could not find a single counter for plain old economy class travelers like myself. They had counters for business class, first class, silver class, premier access class, platinum member class, super traveller class but not one for economy.

I got very confused.

It turns out that, as a mere economy class traveler you have to haul your luggage 2 floors lower to a dungeon-like area that checks in us mortals. That’s not cool.

Then you were left to your own devices by checking in only using self-serve terminals.

And then, I learned that if you had more than one bag (which I didn’t luckily) you had to pay $100 extra. Unheard of. I felt as if consultants from McKinsey had optimized every single part of my check-in process to save $4 per 1,000 customers but in the process ruin any respect I had for United Airlines.

The actual flight was a-okay but again, I felt as if United was saving and eking out the tiniest of things such as an inch here and an inch there in the cabin to get just one more row of passengers in at the back. I usually sleep well on any plane but this time I felt so crammed and uncomfortable that I swore to myself to never ever again take United Airlines for my travels.

Your key take-away: Do not travel from the US to Berlin with United Airlines because they are trying to be so cheap and save anything they can not caring about how it affects you the traveller (hint: badly.) Instead, get an Air Berlin flight (as I learned from Chris, his experience was excellent) or, if it makes sense to fly to Frankfurt first, take Singapore airlines.

Prelude: My friend Mike decided to get frozen in time in 2005 and stayed frozen until 2014. His unfreezing has successfully completed and today I’m going to give him a few pieces of advice since he hasn’t been around much lately. Or in the past 9 years.

Mike!

So excited to have you, dude. Welcome back, man. You okay? How did the unfreezing go? Looking mighty fresh there. Well, man, sit back and relax for now. There is a whole new world waiting for you out there but I think you need some upfront coaching for it. Well, lucky you got me then.

Man, 2005 is a long time ago. It seems like a different world although some of the stuff I’m going to tell you is a natural extension of stuff you already knew in 2005.

So, first off, Apple released the iPhone in 2007 and it’s still a big deal. You’ll want to have a mobile phone like yesterday and you’ll want an iPhone (the latest is just dandy.)

Your iPhone will have high-speed internet on it. It’s marvelous. And a digital camera inside that’s better than anything you got your hands on back in the day. Take a lot of pictures of yourself. Make them awesome using something called “Instagram.”

Oh, and music? Any song is at your fingertips with Spotify. That’s a service that gives you music. Mp3s? So last century, today you just stream.

What else? Ah, yes. Google is still huge and if you’ve had a gmail.com email address, you can still use that today. Oh, right, and there is Facebook that just had come out around the time you went to the fridge. Facebook is huge with grown-ups, it’s kind of their internal newsreader where everyone posts pictures of themselves and their children. A lot of our friends now have children. So, you wanna get on Facebook just because and begin by “friending” all those people that you never really cared about and a few that actually are your friend.

Oh man, remember cat pictures? Well, time didn’t stand still. Back in 2005 a little site started called “Reddit”. It’s basically the frontpage of the internet giving you an endless stream of new links to click and images to gawk at. There you’ll find hundreds of “memes”, sort of one-panel comic strips that are usually funny .

Now, if you like “Reddit”, then you’ll love this thing called “Buzzfeed” which takes cat pictures to the next level. Trust me, it’s better than T.V. ever was.

Speaking of which, T.V. is pretty much dead. Remember Netflix? Yeah, they’re now making TV series. It’s all streaming only by the way. All A-List actors are flocking to starring in those Internet-first series. Here are a few ones you must watch if you want to be able to partake in any reasonably inebriated conversation at a bar: “The Wire” will blow your mind. Watch all seasons. “LOST” is amazing for exactly the first season. I remember you like thrillers so you gotta watch “House of Cards” and of course you must get caught up on “Game of Thrones.”

What else, what else…? Remember wanting to be a millionaire? Well, that’s outdated. Everyone now wants to be a billionaire. Can you believe it? Watch “The Social Network” and you’ll understand why. And once you’ve seen that, you will also understand why everyone and their mom are starting companies based on the slightest hint of an idea. You’ll meet a lot of people with ideas for an “app.”

Oh, yeah, and this just in. Russia is giving Europe shit over Ukraine. You thought the cold war was over? Well, looks like another one is coming. We did catch and kill Osama Bin Laden and also Saddam Hussein who we hung a few years back. Hurricanes and floods in New York City are now normal. Penicillin is losing its edge and the oceans are dying.

People still love their steak, fried chicken, their whiskey, cupcakes are huge thing now, everyone can’t eat gluten, most of our friends are either vegetarian or vegan and everyone goes to the gym. Also Yoga is still very popular which is good.

Anything else? Oh yeah, women are still beautiful, the morning sun still warm. Winters are still blistering and summers are hot. I’m so stoked to have you back. It’s been a while and I think you’ll find this new world exciting. I as hell do, with all it’s pros and cons.

Welcome back, Alexis

Today I’m writing to you from my loft apartment in Bushwick, Brooklyn. I am sitting in the living room with my cup of green tea and an empty bowl of salad with french mustard dressing (Delicious).

I had just gotten back from a long walk and a quick meet-up with Val. It was very good to see her, even just for half an hour or so, because we’re working through the fact that I’m going to be in Berlin for 4 weeks starting in 3 days. We had vegan ice-cream and took a nice little walk through Williamsburg just as the sun was setting for the day. We eventually sat down and had a more serious talk about ourselves. Nothing complicated but Val wanted to open up our communication to include deeper conversations as she and I are already really good at playing and having fun together.

Before I met up with Val I went on an hour-long walk starting from my apartment and going all the way from Bushwick to Williamsburg. The sun was still shining at that point and it was warm enough to just wear a sweater. Sundays in New York are the week’s spectacle to me and I enjoy not planning them in advance and instead letting things happen as they come.

Taking an hour-long walk is becoming one of my favorite things and I got inspired to do so reading a little book called “The Boron Letters.” in which the author, Gary Halbert, slowly but surely persuades the reader to take hour-long walks every day.

So far I’ve been enjoying them very, very much.

Well, I spent most of the day in bed sleeping or getting up for half an hour or so and eating and repeating the cycle three times until I felt I had recharged my batteries that I had depleted throughout the week. Sleeping in is an amazing thing to do and I highly recommend doing it more often than not because now that I’m sitting here with batteries restored I feel stronger and much more ready for the coming week than I did last night.

So, that’s where I’m coming from right now and now you know.

I think it’s going to be an interesting practice to review the highlights of the week and I’ve prepared a list of things that really stood out to me in the past 7 days that I would like to share with you.

The most important work that Adrian, Lily, Sandip and I did this week was getting to know each other and starting to bond as a team. I can’t stress how important the people are that you work with and what a difference it makes when there is a “space” created for everyone to start trusting each other. Startups are always risky and everyone shares that risk in one way or another.

We created this space to begin trusting each other by speaking out loud, listening to each other, raising concerns, openly giving feedback and getting drunk on Thursday night. All were equally important.

This week reminded me that my trip to Berlin is waiting around the corner and that I am going to spend 4 weeks there. I have a round of old friends that I am very much looking forward to seeing but I also view this trip as an opportunity to extend my circle of friends and acquaintances further.

What I did was to write a simple not up on Facebook asking friends to recommend and intro me to their friends in Berlin that could be a good match. I got a good response and 8 introductions to interesting people that I am looking forward to getting coffee with now as well!

I am also thinking of hosting a “Sundays Are For Friends” in Berlin, around the 18th of May or so getting those old and new friends (and their friends!) together. That should be fun, so I need to add “Find a place to buy reasonably priced Prosciutto, cheese and white wine for around 20 people.” If I can do that in New York, I’m confident I can do the same in Berlin.

Setting goals has been working well already and I am excited to see how much of them I can implement this month. In particular, eating more veggies and less sugar and processed foods is going nicely so far. It’s something I can control quiet well by making the right choices and I am also cooking/preparing more veggie-based food at home. To really make my salads and veggie dishes “pop” I am experimenting with minute amounts of MSG and the results are encouraging. I have also been sticking to only drinking green tea (or other teas) instead of coffee for the third week. I can highly recommend swapping coffee with green tea IF you know how to prepare the tea correctly (Which is a very good idea for future post by the way.)

Exercise has been so-so thus far but ensuring an hour-long walk and forcing myself to get up and move around is a good start for the month.

That’s it for tonight I would say. I’m gonna get some more zzz’s hopefully soon to have all the energy to kick off the week strong and make the transition to Germany strong, relaxed and focused.

What’s been happening in your week?

It’s Monday, 7:30am. Rain flows down my face. I race my bike to University. 6 students already wait outside the door when I arrive. I let them in and for the coming 2 hours I teach them intermediate C/C++ programming concepts.

We’re having a blast.

I don’t understand why Mondays get such a bad rep. Don’t get me wrong. I love weekends. I love sleeping in but I also thrive on kicking off the week with full force.

I love weekends because they allow me to decompress, think about complicated problems, sleep, eat and make sweet, sweet love but why should that make me feel bad about Monday? If anything, recharging my batteries allow me to get really excited for the week ahead. In the past months working on VA I have routinely gotten up around 6:30 and earlier and couldn’t wait to get to our office and kick ass together with the team.

What follows is an incomplete list of reasons I like Mondays.

Mondays Are an Opportunity To Start The Week On a High Note

Let me start with saying: However you start a week will determine how you continue to feel about it. So why not strive to kick things off on a high note?

Being relaxed and energized from sleeping, eating, working out and spending quality time with friends (and alone, too) allows me to have that much more focus and energy.

I usually try to make a point of getting up early, around 6:30 or 7am, stretch in bed, practice a round of Yoga and meditate for an hour or so. Nothing crazy. Just stretching, breathing and finally sitting still.

Beginning the week like this centers me and helps me focus.

A snack like a banana and a handful of nuts on my way to the subway keeps me light and nimble.

I try to consciously feel good about the days ahead and usually by the time I arrive at the office I’m excited to get started.

Everyone Is Coming Back From a Mini-Vacation

I think the most important part in my day are the people I work with. I am lucky and utterly excited to be working with such a smart team. In best case every one had a reasonably relaxing, inspiring and recharging Saturday and Sunday. In fact, at VA we’re trying to not email and code during the weekends. The value of a fresh mind is higher than cramming in a stressful late-night session or breaking up a smooth Saturday afternoon with a disembodied conversation over email that would take 5 minutes in person on Monday.

If emotions were high the week before, Mondays are a good time to recap without being blinded by immediate reactions.

If morale was lacking, Mondays are a great time to check in with everyone and get excited.

I’ll say it again and again. The people I work with are key to how I feel about work.

Mondays Are a Great Time To Plan And Set Goals

Before checking in with the team I like to sit down for 30 minutes and list out my goals for the day and often my overarching goals for the week.

It’s simple and I use a piece of paper for the high-level stuff and then use timestacks.com for detailed scheduling and sorting.

Nothing extraordinary but having that extra amount of focus and mental energy early on is harnessed well through goal-setting.

Summary

In summary, I love Mondays because they’re a fresh start, can be framed positively and with excitement, let me see the people I really enjoy working with, are great for morale and are a great time to organize the week and set goals.

But What To Do If You Still Really, Really Dislike Mondays?

So, my raving review of Mondays still hasn’t convinced you? Still can’t get out of bed, still loathe your life, still thinking “Here we go again…” again and again every week?

Well, as you probably can guess, the problem aren’t Mondays per se. The problem most likely is much more systemic:

• Are you in the right job?
• Do you have the right people around you?
• If you won $1,000,000 today, would you still go to work?

This is not a trivial problem because your attitude towards your work (and yourself, really) informs every other aspect in your life. Your friendships, your relationships, your self-esteem and self-worth. I have this nagging feeling that time is too short to be unhappy.

So, if you really, really hate Mondays you gotta check yourself.

What’s that one thing you can change today to make yourself get really excited about next Monday?

It blows my mind.

Here you are. Building the most complex software products in the world. They’re beautiful, they do their things really well. But you’re not making any money with them. You’re not cashing in! Everyone else seems to make a buck but not you.

I’ve been a technologist for most of my professional life. I love building things. I love breaking things. But I also build software because it can scalable make me money. “Build it and they will come” I always thought. I had listened to the pain points of my prospective customers (often myself) and had come up with an elegant solution written in Ruby or Lisp, running as a website in HTML, CSS and Javascript.

But actually selling what I had to offer? I’m sure you’re thinking “Ew, sales. That’s just for those pushy sales guys who wear popped collars on weekends and date dumb blondes.”–Harsh judgments aside, it turns out that unless you sell me your stuff, be it software, hardware, voting for your project, liking your Facebook post, making an intro to a cool new person, I won’t do it.

Do you want to make money?

Then sell me.

It floors me how we as a entrepreneurial community thrive on the “rags to riches” narrative, how we thrive on customer development and building ultra-scalable business models but crumble when it comes to actually selling them.

Please, sell me

I’m serious. Sell me. If you have a product or service you believe in and that you spent your savings and your weeks and weekends on perfecting. For the love of god.

Sell me.

Explain to me my benefits. Why should I be spending even a minute to consider to give you my money, my time or my endorsement. Sell me on how what you have fits into what I’m struggling with.

Relate to me.

Now, the first thing seems to be building one of those long-scroll parallax landing pages with lots of engaging images and icons and boxes of text.

No.

I want you to throw that away and instead write up 4 paragraphs why and how your product or service benefits me. Write it black on white. Simple. My benefits.

Oh, and just so you know: I don’t care about you or how much money you want to make. Or how you want to make money to travel the world. Seriously. I care about myself first, then my friends and family.

Tell me your story

Once you’ve been able to get my attention by giving me good reasons to listen to you, please also sell me your story. How did you come up with your product? What did your first prototype look like. What worked and what didn’t? What did you learn? Who are you? A single person, a team, a country?

Tell me how you came about it and show me how and why you care. In fact, I think you should take a storytelling class for that.

Make me feel it

And make me feel it. Take me to another place. Seduce me. Make me want to want whatever you have. Tease me. Be funny.

Recently, a friend of mine who is running an entertainment company of sorts (Think Disneyland for adults minus the sex) was wondering why he couldn’t get new customers as easily as he had hoped.

Their product is solid.

Their value proposition is solid.

Their games are really, really fun.

But what he was missing out on was to transport me to the place he wanted me to experience. Don’t be boring, be daring! What’s my world look like with your product? (Don’t worry. My BS-detectors are good enough to notice if your pitch is full of it but no one says, you can’t transport me from where I am sitting right into the middle of an exciting adventure that you want me to experience.)

And even if you’re working on something “boring” such as a B2B Saas business, I’m confident you can take that and turn it into something new, something exciting and profoundly emotional.

We humans make decisions based on our emotions and rationalize them by thought. Use this to your (and my) advantage and take me all the way.

Seduce me.

Make it easy

It’s funny. You’ve told me my benefits, you’ve told me your story, you even made me really feel it. But then you’re not telling me what my next step is.

You flounder at closing the deal. This is it, this is the part where I turn from an excited prospect to a paying (time, money, endorsements) customer.

How do I go to there?!

In fact. I want you to show me exactly what to do next. For example, give me one single button on your page. Not five. One.

You’re the expert and I’ve come to trust you. Don’t lose me now or we’ll both be sorry, baby.

But here’s the twist.

You can follow each and every one of the steps and approaches I just told you. You still have to really, really think hard about what makes your offering a no-brainer for me.

Let me ask you now: What’s the absolute no-brainer reason for me to pay for your service? We’re not talking about individual benefits, technicalities or emotional bonds.

What’s your no-brainer?

We all got really drunk last night. It’s going to be a bit to piece together last nights events but I’m feeling woozy, slow and thrilled at the same time.

Yesterday, Thursday, began like many other days in the past weeks started: Wake up, meditate, commute and kick the day off with a team standup via Google Hangouts.

Since all of our team happened to be in the office yesterday we split into smaller groups throughout the day to work on discreet tasks and found time later in the afternoon to sit down and talk openly about things we are enjoying and things that we would like to change.

The conversation was important because it allowed all of us to learn to express ourselves and open ourselves up to each other. I would say, up until yesterday, we were still just 4 people banding together to make a website. After yesterdays afternoon conversation and the following evening getting drunk on German beer, I feel like we established a baseline for trusting ourselves and each other more.

Again, I’m thrilled about the outcome because as a team we need to trust each other and we have to have good reasons to do so in the first place. Trust is something, like love, you can’t force upon someone. I can’t just say “Trust me.” without having proven to you in some way that you can and that it is safe. Trust matters. It’s the invisible glue that holds things together especially when things get rough. Trust is what you notice when it’s missing.

I would love to go on on the trust tangent today but darn my mind is slow!

The juice detail is that we all had far too much beer yesterday and out of nowhere shots of rum appeared! And I wound up taking a big swill of that transparent liquid (I prefer tequila over any other alcohol but I don’t think that was an option.)

Anyways, yadda yadda, we had a good day, had good team conversations, all went out for coffee, figured out a bunch of cool stuff, went out again to the German place, got beers, got more beers, did not eat much and got pretty drunk by midnight. Val, Sandip and I took a cab to Brooklyn together and Val and I crashed at her place eventually.

What I didn’t know was how much impact alcohol has on Vals petite body. She did not feel well at all when we woke up around 7am. Her condition worsened as time went on to the point where she threw up several times before 9am. At around 9 I started getting a bit worried about her because she really seemed struggling with getting the alcohol out of her body. She shivered. She sweated. She threw up. Very worrying to see someone you love in distress like that.

Anyways, so that happened. And I’m not making a lot of sense today. That’s fine, I’m just going to keep writing and rambling today

While I’m writing this, I’m also exploring a Growth Dashboard with Sandip and it’s coming together nicely. We’re building a kick-ass bar-chart system where we’ll be able to see trends and corelations between investors, companies and compensations

Oh, also, I added a new feature or re-write for timestacks that I think could be good: Planning my tasks for a day does not require when I’m going to start the day. So, now I’ve got it set up so that you create your list, assign times for each task but it’s not set when the first task on the stack will start. This way, I don’t have to ‘reverse-buffer’ things when I start my day later than I had planned (this can happen easily when I’m commuting or similar)

Now, it’s really cool: There’s a big red button “Start Day” that, only when hit, the times on each task are calculated on the fly and this will allow to better adjust and sync tasks/expected times/reality etc.

I still have to test it out and play with it. Maybe it’s not working. Maybe it is. The complexity of my UI has grown but I feel it’s much tighter now than for the past year. I definitely am digging the red count-down thingy and it’s good to know that everything is still syncing up with iCal.

Well, that’s it for today. Writing these words took much more effort than usual and I do not recommend mixing drinks and writing. Don’t drink and type!

Hi there!

Today I want to write about my goals for May 2014. I will spend most of the time in Berlin, starting on the 8th and I’m returning to New York on the 8th of June. So, a lot of these goals are created with my New York state of mind and might change once I get there. But, as they say, better changing a plan than not having a plan at all.

I usually break down my monthly goals into health (things I want to achieve in terms of my mental and physical health), wealth (things that I want to achieve in terms of personal and financial wealth) and love (things that I want to achieve in terms of family, friends and loved ones).

So, there are a bunch of things I want to achieve this month. And I really hope that the traveling won’t just put a wrench into my plan. I believe I can make pretty much all of them happen.

Also, today I’m going to adjust my list by using the OKR method. OKR stands for Objective and Key Results. It’s a means to distinguish the higher purpose of a goal from it’s measurable results.

For example, “Health” isn’t even an objective yet (It’s just a very general purpose concept). I find it better to create an objective such as “Get Fit For The Summer” that has key results such as “Having done daily yoga and meditation” or “be able to go in full lotus” or “lose 10 pounds”. Getting fit for the summer is really hard to measure but it’s the overarching goal. Using key results is a great way to measure the progress towards achieving the objective.

My Objectives and Key Results for May 2014 Berlin Edition are…

Health

Objective: Get Fit, Relaxed and Strong

At the end of May I want to feel fit, strong, flexible and well-fed. I want to feel light and at maximum alertness. I want to feel relaxed at the same time. Really fit, strong and relaxed.

Key Results

Lose weight by eating veggies, fruit and nuts and avoiding sugars

Get strong by going to the gym or working out at home 8 times

Get flexible enough to go into full lotus by doing Yoga every day

Get calm enough to spend 31 minutes in Bound Lotus

Stay focused and calm by drinking green tea

Wealth

Objective: Grow VA and Create Value

The main objective really is growing VA both by adding more startups and by building out the business metrics portion of the site. Also, because of staying in Berlin, it’s really important to stay in touch with the team. I want to wrap up an ongoing project and finally pick up daily writing (and publishing!). Finally, I want to get my side project “timestacks” ready for public use.

Key Results

Stay in close connection with NYC team via daily standup, slack and pivotal

Build out Business Metrics Portion of application

Onboard Y Combinator Portfolio and 500 Startups

Send RMV Second Invoice by 15th of May

Publish Inspirational Blog Post Daily

Open up TimeStacks for other Users

Love

I really want to make sure Val and I stay connected. I haven’t seen my parents in 5 months and I want to spend quality time with them. Then, reconnect with my existing circle of Berlin friends and extend my circle with new friends. Spend quality time with Chris, too!

Objective: Stay Connected With Val, Reconnect and Have Fun With Family, Have Fun With Old Friends and Make New Friends

Stay in close contact with Val via Google Hangouts

Spend Quality Time With My Parents At Least Every Other Day

Have fun and adventures with existing (Berlin, NYC) friends

Connect NYC and Berlin friends

Make 10 new friends

Host 1 “Sundays Are For Friends” Event around 3rd week of May

Well, there you have it. The plan for May. It’s an experiment, and I wonder if the OKR method will work but I have a good feeling about it. Mainly, I want to make sure I’m on track with those key areas in my life. And even if I don’t accomplish each and every one (maybe I’ll have to make some Key Results more concrete as I revisit this list) but at least I now have a plan that I’m EXCITED about.

Now, let me ask you: What are your goals for May 2014? What do you want to achieve in the realm of your personal Health, Wealth and Love?

Don’t be shy, tell me below.

And we’re back just after lunch with another episode of Alexis writing 750 words daily! Lily and I just had veggie chili from the soup place around the corner in efforts to staying warm while temperatures dropped to almost freezing over night. It’s cold! This spring sucks so far! What the hell?!

A few noteworthy things today:

I updated the UI for timestacks.co

I only realized yesterday that I’ve been using my own little time-management software called “timestacks” for almost a year now. It’s exciting because I really wanted to know if the system and process I devised would work for me before launching it publicly. I hadn’t used timestacks for a while but now that getting stuff done is really important I have gone back to scheduling my time more rigorously and it looks like its working. In total I’ve completed more than 450 discreet tasks such as “Read Book X”, “Take a walk”, “Wrap up project Y”, “Write invoice for client B”, “Send proposal to prospect D” et cetera. 450+ tasks completed is pretty good I think and I have everything tracked on a day-to-day basis. The UI I built for myself a year ago was good enough to validate the functioning but in 2014 it’s important to also make it look good. I’m going to allow other people to join the platform soon.

I updated the copy for timestacks.co

Just because timestacks work for me doesn’t mean it’s obvious how they even work for anyone else. I went ahead and updated the public-facing part of the site and wrote/edited a few paragraphs that explain why, what and a bit of how timestacks have been working for myself. I haven’t finished writing this part and think a quick intro video will possibly do a better job communicating but it’s time well spent now to prepare making the app public soon. (No one is drawing a salary here, so morale is crucial to have everyone stay excited about the project. It’s especially important when you really can’t assume or force or expect anything from anyone you’re working with. Because it’s a startup everyone is responsible. However, because no one is paid, no one can be held responsible.)

We kicked off the day with the team with a good standup

I got in to The Farm early enough, around 9:30, to prepare my day and prepare the standup meeting. Staying in touch with the team on a daily basis makes it easier to feel connected and to feel in control in an environment where everything is up for grabs at any point. I really enjoy seeing everyone’s faces at least once every day and we are doing a good job keeping things nice and short in respect of everyone’s time. I’ve always been a person to talk a lot and I’m learning to keep myself shorter than usual. I like giving context and rationale to what I say but I am learning that there is a healthy balance between relaying information clearly and rambling.

Lily and I discussed a thank-you initiative and are going to plan a small get-together as well

I was unclear about the types of events Adrian and Lily had been planning and considered saying “Thank You” to our first VC partners a priority. Lily filled me in that, for events, she was thinking of one “Happy Hour” where we get together the VCs we’re working with and one “Launch Event” that caters to existing VC partnerships, new VCs and startup founders. I added that the lowest hanging fruit would be to first set up an event where we say “Thank You” to the 6 or 7 people that have helped us launch the first set of data and Lily came up with a great idea: Instead of doing an event, let’s just send them a package of sorts with a thank you note. That’s nice and easy and doesn’t require everyone to come in at the same time. I think that’s a great idea and I think it’s easily implemented. The goal is to have the thank-yous go out by end of coming week.

Today, for the rest of the day, I’ll be working on Code with Sandip and then hopefully I get a chance to work on our onboarding copy. I scheduled myself 45 minutes for todays words and I’m coming in at around 35 minutes so far. That’s good to know and I definitely think that giving myself the limits of time to finish my tasks has helped me accomplish more in less time with greater intensity and less procrastination.

That’s it for today!

Okay, here we go again with writing in the middle of the afternoon although I really didn’t want to do it this time. Across from me sits an english man who hasn’t gotten the memo how rude and dumb it is to take phone calls at the table while others are working. Well, for today I’m writing with a spoon of honey sitting next to me and a fresh cup of tea steaming. Todays productivity has had its ups and downs but overall the direction and goals we want to reach as a team are clearer. The past 3 weeks I would say have been useful to take a step back and really think about what we’re doing here. In particular, this means that we’ll position ourselves as a data startup more than a pure software startup. The challenge of a data startup lies in collecting a lot of the right kind of data at a good level of quality. In best case, the data is somewhat general-purpose but has many uses that make it indispensable once used. Basically, the data that we’re collecting and that we’re going to collect moving forward needs to have a match with the right type of market and the markets needs. I’ve been raving about a company that has been doing this right: CompStak. They are serving two general customer segments with two distinct value propositions:

Customer Segment 1: Broker, Appraiser, Researcher –

Brokers get to access the CompStak database by sharing their own Commercial Lease Comps and getting “points” for doing so. After sharing their own data and having it verified by an internal team at CompStak a broker gets points he can spend by first searching down to other data points and spend points to get access to the actual figure of the found comps. It’s pretty genius I have to say because having the point system ensures a few things that a data sourcing company like them (and ourselves) need:

1. Get more data – The only way it seems to get access to more data is to share more data. This will be especially challenging for us where we ask users to enter new data every 3 months. If the resource (the rest comps) are scarce and access is measured by points spent from the get-go, sitting down and entering

2. Get better data – Requiring recurring data is one thing but the problem now is how to ensure that participants not just plop in random data. CompStak has solved this issue with two measures. First off, every data point gets reviewed and can be flagged by an internal team. Secondly, other users can flag a data point as questionable. If a data point gets too many second-guesses, the user account gets blocked.

Customer Segment 2: Landlords, Investors, Lenders

I’m not 100% sure how this segment is served but it looks like they basically pay for general access without having to provide their own data. They probably don’t even create comp records themselves but need the information upstream towards their deals. From one anecdote we learned that having access to the data is crucial for raising money and making the right decision.

What I find fascinating is how the actual customer segments are diverse in their day-to-day dealings (Broker, Appraiser, Researcher, Landlords, Investors, Lenders) but all rely on the same set of data with the same type of grouping and filtering. It’s curious how a good amount of quality data can be so sought after.

What I also find noteworthy is how they focussed on getting really, really strong coverage in New York first before moving into other markets. This is a discussion we’ve had internally and seeing them following the path of focus confirms the assumption we’ve had: Get strong in one city first and be able to provide a lot of value to that geographic segment (However, we won’t say no if someone from another place wants to get on board and put in their data!)

Anyways, that’s what’s been turning me on in the past 30 hours or so. Our growth using the onboarding flow we built last month is still slow. There can be many factors that affect how and when startups join VA but we saw an immensely larger group of data flowing in when we were just using spreadsheets. While, yes, it’s possible to automate or improve a visitor flow using web forms, it seems like people like sending around spreadsheets. And if that’s what they want, we won’t say no. Instead we’ll probably just automate the import of the files on our end and it won’t take much more time on our side but we hope to get more data than in the past few weeks.

Focus & user understanding.

And finally, I’m curious what companies or products have inspired you in recent days. Post your links in the comments below!

Introduction

While over at my friend Chris’s for Thanksgiving this year, I decided to finally put together a few videos. To be precise, videos of me teaching essential, simple breathing and meditation techniques that I’ve learned and mastered in the past years.

And, the way I envision, learning meditation should be straightforward and easy to follow. It should be fun, engaging and rewarding without being mysterious and diffuse.

I’ve always been fascinated with yoga and meditation. I’ve been practising on and off since the age of 14 and so I finally became a certified instructor of Kundalini Yoga 2 years ago. What I always loved about Kundalini Yoga specifically was that it can be done by anyone with the most basic set of instructions. Especially the breathing and meditation techniques. All you really, really need is a – relatively quiet – place to sit and a few minutes to spare.

Furthermore, most of the meditations are perfectly put into written words. This way, the instructions are clear and easy to follow. This makes shooting simple video a good choice and deriving an audio track to listen to without the video as well.

My goal is to present and instruct one meditation per video per day. A regular meditation can be introduced, instructed and explained in about 10 minutes or less.

The following are learnings of me creating quality educational video using my MacBook Air and a basic set of tools and techniques. -

The good news

Let’s start with the good news: It works!

My first learning is that with even the most basic set of tools it is possible to create great looking, engaging content and very little cost. If you’re willing to put in an hour or so setting up, playing with and optimizing your “studio” (Which in my case wound up being my bedroom because it had the best acoustics) you will be able to create professionally looking content quickly.

I learned the basic 3-lights setup from a video I found on YouTube. All my “equipment” (3 lights, 3 bulbs, a web-cam and microphone from Amazon) cost less than $300.

Learning #1: Content is everything

Naturally, no technology and set up can help me if I have nothing to say. I have learned that at the beginning, before shooting anything, it’s always a good idea to write a few lines down. What am I trying to convey here? What’s my message? How do I pull the viewer in?

My recommendation:

Write at least something! A little script. A rough outline. Of the 3 main points you’ll make in your video is better than nothing. This can fit on a piece of paper.

Then, rehearse it a bit. I’ve found that actually saying the key sentences out loud at least once helped me later when I was “on the air”, in front of the camera. Rehearsing the overall flow of your thought will help you create a nice flow. Once you’ve got the flow down even just a bit, you’ll be able to add your personality into the mix.

I did my rehearsal while showering which I can recommend.

Capturing audio is hard (but possible)

Okay, I’ll admit it. I thought audio was easy. Turns out it requires a lot of testing and adjusting to get it right. I’m not an audio engineer, but I was able to figure out that shooting video in an open room with lots of flat surfaces results in echos all over the place. I had the whole 3-light set up ready to go. I had this little battery-driven clip-on mic plugged in. Quickly I noticed how off my voice sounded and how it bounced around the room.

Change of plans. I packed everything into my bedroom (which is relatively small but has many nice sound-buffering stuff in it, like the mattress and my coat and t-shirts). What a difference a room makes! Now, the sound of my voice came in crisp and just the way I wanted it. There still is this weird ambient white noise that probably correlates to the cheap build of my mic.

My recommendation:

Test the audio in the room you want to shoot in. Hear if it sounds the way you want it to. Check for white noise. If you can’t get rid of the white noise, add a soft soundtrack later at 7% volume. I’ve done this in my videos using japanese flutes. Any ambient soundscape will work wonders.

Shooting video is hard

The video was sort of the easiest part. Of course, you’ll need 3 lights to create the classic 3 point light set up. Two lights are facing at eye-level you at more or less a 50-90 degree angle. The third light is propped up behind you either shooting against the wall neutralizing shadows or against your back to make you ‘pop’. All lights should shine through some sort of diffusing paper to avoid hard shadows. A simple background works best I find. Any decently painted wall works.

My recommendation:

Buy three lights and their fixtures at Home Depot and play around with the set up. Have the camera stand back far enough so one can see your torso and upper arms. Try to avoid the “Talking Head”. Vary your composition by placing yourself left or right of center.

Standing in front of a camera is hard

Holy mother of “UMMMM…”. I really had no idea how often I would say “and umm….” just to fill in blanks while I was thinking. In fact, I noticed I would use the “ummms” to create unnecessary pauses to make myself appear more thoughtful. Yeah… that won’t work.

I think the main reason was that I hadn’t been before a camera before for that long. I definitely wasn’t relaxed yet. And so my overall performance didn’t flow yet. Or excite me as the viewer.

Something had to change.

After sleeping over it for a night, I decided to give it much more intention and attention. This worked really well, especially in combination with having written down a few cornerstones of content.

My recommendation:

It’s simple. Don’t overthink it. Be yourself. Have fun! Know what you want to say and think about that one person you want to say it to. Stay engaged. Be excited about whatever you’re giving to the world. It’s your gift and you should be proud of it. If you’re not excited and proud of what you have to share, how can someone else be?

Anyways, this is just a first collection of findings. I’m looking forward to sharing more as I learn more.

I was 20 years old, the year was 1999 and I had just moved to New York City.

It was 3pm when I leaned back in my seat, turning my head to the right towards the door when I saw her. Time slowed down to a crawl: Flowing black curls, deep dark eyes, full lips, ivory-white skin, freckles, a serious gaze and a slender, petite frame. I had never seen anything like her. Who is this? Who was she?

The next day I ordered 25 red roses to be sent to her desk. She of course had no idea who they were from until, by luck, we wound up in the same elevator. We started talking. Somehow she had heard I was from Germany and she mentioned her favorite film in the world “Wings of Desire” and how she had always wanted to go to Berlin. At the end of of our conversation I nervously disclosed to her that I had sent the flowers.

Getting flowers sent anonymously flattered and confused her at the same time. She was 43 years old and I was just a kid. Regardless I mustered up my courage and asked her on a date.

A movie date.

We watched “Buena Vista Social Club” at a small movie theatre and had dinner at a turkish place just west of Central Park. (Both her choices since I had honestly no idea what a date really meant) This and the following dates were fun but also awkward. I think it was awkward mostly for her because I wasn’t even aware (or ignored) the huge age-difference. She fascinated me, I wanted her and that’s all I knew or cared about. She had to consider her role and her responsibility.

Well, we did go on a few more dates that summer and we really tried to make it work. We watched French movies, walked for hours, we visited her hometown out in Far Rockaway and even made out on her couch a few times!

However, it just didn’t work.

I think she was very conscious about our age difference. After all, I was basically still just a kid at 20 years. I was half her age.

At the beginning of August we called this thing, whatever it was, off. This just wasn’t working. We liked each other, sure. But the age thing was just too much and we had tried at least, right?

We parted ways and I didn’t think of her anymore.

The summer of 1999 was filled with exploring new neighborhoods, making new friends, meeting girls my age and just having a blast as one does in your early 20s living in New York City. I had moved into a new place down on Peck Slip and just loved every moment of my life.

In early September I ran into her again at work. We had not seen each other for maybe two months. God, she was so beautiful and her subtle smell still hypnotized me. Well, somehow we decided to get a drink that evening, just to catch up on our summer. You know, have a laugh about how we used to date and just hang out as friends. That evening we explored her neighborhood, Carroll Gardens and had wine at one of the new bars on Smith Street.

I don’t remember exactly how or why but towards the end of the evening we got into a fight. I really don’t know why anymore but we were walking down Sackett Street and we broke out into this verbal fight until at some point she started hitting me with the force of her small frame. She cried and I tried to protect myself from her blows. Until we locked eyes for what seemed an eternity.

I pulled her towards me. Then I kissed her and time stood still.

We sprinted to her apartment, ripped off each others clothes and slept together for the first time.

We had overcome whatever did not work the first time we dated. This time around there were no more questions or second-guessing our age.

I began to learn from her as she taught me. For the coming weeks she taught me about love. She taught me about men and women. She taught me sex. And passion. And she showed me how to completely lose myself in someone else.

We decided to fly across the Atlantic and spend a weekend in Berlin in a small hotel off Kurfürstendamm. We made love while the city waited outside our room. We showered and ate at fine restaurants. We held each other close. We explored the wall. Devoured coffee. We loved. 3 days.

The taxi pulled over and she got in to go to the airport. I myself had a trip to Switzerland coming up and stayed in Germany for another week.

I knew it was over.

I don’t know how but I knew it as I waved her good-bye. I knew that it had been perfect. And I knew that there was nothing more I could do. We had spent what we was given to us and we had tasted each others lives and now it was over. My heart broke in that moment standing on that curb.

Related

• NYC 1999 – The happiest time of my life