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I remember the dollops of smoking tobacco placed on the stumps of the trees that until this morning had surrounded the house I grew up in. The cherry, walnut, chestnut and hazelnut.

My father told me it was an old native american custom. “When you cut a tree,” he said “you must help its soul find peace through the smoke.”

But let’s go back to the beginning, many years before some of these trees were even planted. When I was 3 my parents decided to move from the intentional community they had been part of back to my grandmothers house in a small town close to Frankfurt. My grandmother had built the house with my grandfather. A man I had never met, he had provided hard work — first in the US army, then as an honorable laborer in post-war Germany up into the 70s. (He died from complications involving his one saved half lung and a lot of smoking).

The house was spacious. Even though it only had one floor — the ground floor — it had a very large living room, an expansive kitchen, and two or three bedrooms. Depending on who lived and who worked at home at any given time. The garden was very large and equally spacious on all sides of the building. There was no cellar or second floor but it did have a shed in the back where tools were stored and chicken cooped. Apparently, at some point way back, my grandparents had a little chicken farm set up, selling eggs and meat to the neighbors.

From what I gather from my parents, we had left the intentional community on relatively short notice. Of course I don’t remember any of that. I do however distinctly remember the first time I stepped out of the car and into our new street. I had never been in a town with so many lights (as it was night when we arrived) and I clearly remember the moment the door of our VW Beetle swung open, at night, after a two hour ride. I saw a wet, dark-blue street and heard the subway pass by a block or so away. A sight and sound that I would come to know and love.

When we moved into the house on 23 Gablonzer street, my grandmother had been living alone for a few years. I am pretty sure that she enjoyed having us over and moving in. Often she would cook for me, I would wait with her on christmas evening (as my parents would place presents under the tree), and look after me as I was climbing the aforementioned trees. She and they never let me down.

Once I grew up to go to school, I eventually was given one of the bedrooms on my own while we built a second house next door for my grandmother to live in. There was enough space for every one. Progressive as my parents were, they let me paint and draw on my walls and built me an indoor jungle gym that I would monkey around on for days and weeks.

Time flew by. Crisp German winters rolled warmly into spring. Hot summers would flow into windy fall. The years went by fast and happily. Our house grew to become an oasis. My mother, made it one of her missions to create a warm, nurturing and welcoming home. Meanwhile my father, the artist, inventor and designer made sure that we were living far into the future by bringing computers, lasers and yoga into our space.

I grew up. I transferred from elementary school to our towns gymnasium, made friends, lived adventures, maybe even already fell in love once or twice. By the time I was 12 it felt as if we had never occupied any other place. We had our home.

Around this time — 1990 — my parents began getting excited about changes that were happening in the neighborhood. Apparently a major German retail chain had bought the plots of land close to ours to bring one of their discount markets to our town. And they were interested in buying our land as well. For a stately sum, too, which would have been impossible otherwise.

After discussing the pros and cons with my grandmother and even myself, my parents decided to sell and find a new home close by in the same town. Naturally this now was exciting for me, too, because I got to come and view new places and weigh in with my opinion. We soon settled to buy a new, much larger and fancier house, a few miles south.

I woke up early on my 13th birthday in our old house in my childhoods bed. We celebrated with candles in the living room and I soon left for school for most of the day. I remember being excited that day, but mostly for the birthday and less about that “other thing.”

By the time I returned from school, all trees had been cut and half of my grandmothers house had already been demolished. Our house had been cleared and all that was left was a make-shift table where earlier in the morning my wrapped-up presents had been propped up.

I remember the dollops of smoking tobacco placed on the stumps of the trees that until this morning had surrounded the house I grew up in. The cherry, walnut, chestnut and hazelnut.

On the night of my 13th birthday I fell asleep happy, confused, excited in a new bed in a new house.

Related

• We moved to Oberursel in 1982
• Alte Historische Fotos und Bilder Oberursel (Taunus), Hessen
• Oberursel im Taunus, Germany
• Urselbachstrasse 101, Oberursel
• Moving to Urselbachstrasse

She woke up that morning with a slight buzz from a long weekend and with a smile on her face. He was right there, next to her warm body. The days were supposed to be the coldest of the year. In the tens if not lower. But her bed was warm and welcoming from their nights dreams. “How can something be more beautiful?” he asked himself when he looked at her through his eyelids.

He liked her a lot.

He had to get up and get going but that got more difficult with every moment passing. She leaned over and kissed him on his mouth, his left cheek and forehead. She smiled as he pulled her towards himself, to have her close for these last moments before the beginning of the day. He was excited to get going, too, because he had gotten back from his winter vacation back home and had all these plans as one does after a break. But in this moment nothing could be more perfect. Her face, her hair slightly tangled, her white night gown that made her look like an angel. They held each other warmly and with open arms.

Make every second count.

Then he got up, went to the bathroom and took a very hot shower. He thought about her as soon as the water started to flow. He thought of her when he brushed his teeth. He thought of her when he walked back to her room. She had completely wrapped herself up in her comforter, hiding from the first light of the day. She was sleeping. It was the cutest thing. He sat down next to her under her cover. She peeked out and he gave her a last kiss. She opened her eyes slightly, her soft lips parted and quietly said good bye. He left the apartment on tip-toes after he had put on his coat, his woolen hat and gloves.

His leather boots resounded in the hall way as he then stepped onto a sun-filled New York morning street. As he walked to the subway and into a busy day he missed her already.

Tuesday, 9:10 a.m. December 17, 2013 New York City

Dear John,

It has been already 10 days of daily writing 750-1,000 words and it has been going well. But: I realized that just writing top-of-head-stream-of-consciousness is fun but pretty much unpublishable.

If my goal is to publish a book of some sort, then clearly, my writing needs to be written that way. Simple. Or is it?

Well, it’s so much nicer to not have to think and just let it go on paper. In fact, in “Elements of Style” the author even mentions the deceptive joy of seeing words appear on-screen which leads to many useless words. Ha, it’s true! Just typing away doesn’t really amount to anything. (Monkeys. Typewriters.)

So, what is publishable? Initially I wanted to start writing daily so I could create a log of content (oh my, a blog) to share with my friends and family. Write about interesting stuff, skills that I know well, ideas of mine, observations and stories. Okay, so, make it publishable, have an audience (you) in mind and create value by sharing something personal and interesting.

Now, enough with the back-and-forth.

Let’s grab the bull by the horns and do an experiment.

If today was the last day of my life and I had exactly 1,000 words to share one thing, what would it be?

Let me think… Ah, yes.

How To Fall In Love With Yourself

The ability, the skill, to love yourself is at the heart of success in life and death. Don’t wait for someone else to fill you with their love, don’t wait for your parents, your lover, your mentor or anyone else. It’s so simple! And, as you of course know, unless you love yourself, it is impossible to give and receive love from others.

So, get to it today because it will change your life.

A QUICK TUTORIAL Falling in love with yourself is actually not that hard (as it shouldn’t). This quick exercise will give you a very simple method to remind yourself of your own beauty and perfection.

Step 1. See your best friend before your inner eye.

Let me demonstrate. My best friend is Marc and we’ve known each other since high school. Marc is a brilliant person, a musician and master of kung-fu. In my mind, when I see him in front of me, he is a perfect human being. He radiates (cheesy as it sounds) light, he does the right things, he is perfect even though I know that he has flaws big and small. Actually, when I see him in my inner eye with his red curly hair, his big smile, his slightly receding hairline (Hey, we’re both 35!), his way of moving, his deep voice and his hilarious jokes, it fills me with a warm and true feeling of brotherly love. I know, looking at him, that everything is going to be alright for him. That it always was. That there is nothing for him to worry about. That he is perfect and that the only thing I wish for him is to be his awesome self and live a happy life.

Now, in the same manner, imagine your best friend or someone you admire and hold high in your belief. Whoever that person is (best friend, mother, mentor, …), imagine them completely and as detailed as possible before your inner eye. Include their strengths and weaknesses, in your mental picture. In your mind, make this image as clear and as radiant as possible. Make yourself feel the love and acceptance for this person because of who they are and what they mean to you.

Imagine this person in different scenarios, at home, at work, at they gym. Wherever you can see them, continue to see them through your eyes as a close friend. I’m sure that with a bit of sweet effort you can “feel it” right now. A warm, fuzzy radiating in your chest and a smile on your face.

Step 2. In the same way, see yourself through your best friends’ eyes.

Now, let’s reverse this. Your best friend (or other person that knows you and admires you) chose you, too, because they see you the same way you see them. Imagine yourself being your best friend and thinking of you the same way you did in step 1 above.

Your best friend will have no trouble recognizing your strengths, your beauty, your capabilities, skills and wonderfulness. Also, this person knows about all the things that make you imperfect. Your weaknesses, your vices. But the same way you just saw them as a whole, radiating being, so you can see yourself through their eyes. Your best friend doesn’t judge you, but instead, supports you on your quest for happiness. They see your perfect self in a way that is hard for ourselves to see.

Take a moment here to see yourself. See yourself the way your best friend sees you. Recognize how much love there is flowing to you from your friend. How much good-will and well-meaning. Feel this sweet flow of positive emotions. How they can see you perfectly, flawless. How even your errors and mistakes in life are loved and not judged. How you as you couldn’t be any better already.

What you are experiencing now is self-love.

Remember the feeling because it will help you in every aspect of your life.

You are using your friend as a proxy because it is helpful to remove your own mind from this equation. It works beautifully and it is simple.

When you are down, you can always use this technique to reconnect with that feeling of love for yourself. It doesn’t require adopting any type of religion or belief-system. You don’t even need Yoga or Meditation to make this work for you. Just take a moment, think about someone you love and who loves you back and imagine how they see you through their eyes.

It’s simple. Effective. And fun!

Alright, so this is certainly one of the most important lessons I have learned and want to share with you. Again, it’s not hard, but it creates a sweetness in your life that will uplift and guide you.

Thank you for your patience and your time today. I’m just getting started but at least for today I feel like I am actually sharing something of value.

More to come!

Stay warm.

Last Friday was the bitter-sweet going-away parting party for the co-working community at General Assembly in New York. We danced. We drank. We hugged. We said good-bye to a place that we called our home for years.

General Assembly first opened its doors on 902 Broadway on the 4th floor three years ago as a campus and workspace for the New York technology community. There were startups, classes, weekend events, fireside chats and the always-beloved weekly happy hour.

I personally became a member a year after they opened. You had to write an application letter and go through a round of interviews before being selected as a member. (I liked this a lot, because the focus was on creating a valuable and curated community. It’s good to have a barrier to entry I think.)

A month or so after my interviews I got my thumbs up and moved in, becoming one of the roughly 50 community members who worked out of the spacious light filled lounge, the quiet library and the longest shared table I had ever seen.

902 Broadway was beautifully designed. Lots of open space, lots of natural light, all furniture designed and sponsored by Vitra.

There was a kitchen, four meeting rooms, two telephone booths and two large sections for dedicated members (as opposed to community members) where teams of 2 or more could set up shop permanently.

For me the community membership plan was perfect. Coming in at only $300 ($300 in New York!) per month with 24/7 access and with a perfectly brief commute from my Brooklyn apartment. Hard to beat the quality, location, amenities and community at this price. A fantastic deal.

The most important factor of course were the people I started to meet. Fellow entrepreneurs, designers, engineers and marketeers. Lovely people. Smart, driven and interesting. And most of them very, very intelligent. At least two of the people I met on my first day have become dear and close friends. And I have been actively keeping in touch with many more that would join over the next two years.

A typical day for me at General Assembly would by to come in early. Then, get creative and cognitive work done before lunch time. Grab a friend for lunch down the street to get sushi at Ennju in the summer, a burrito bowl with guacamole from Chipotle in fall or a tomato soup from Hale and Hearty during winter.

After, head back and continue working, hacking, designing, planning and making money for the rest of the afternoon until around 7 p.m. when things started to relax and people began to hang out.

Granted, all those sprawling couches helped a bunch to feel comfortable. Maybe take a quick afternoon nap once in a while (Remember, this is all happening in the heart of New York City, just above Union Square. Possibly one of the most crowded and intense spots I know of) or just kick back after an intense coding session.

Time went by really, really quickly. In fact, today I’m amazed it’s been two years since I joined and that as of today I’m moved into my new workspace community. At General Assembly I saw many people come and go. Businesses being born, nurtured and out-grow the space. Ideas being born, nurtured and let go of. I saw people people being decent, obnoxious, friendly, aggressive, creative, confused, happy, and sad.

During this time I worked on many different consulting projects. For a transit network, a university, two worldwide best-selling authors and an New York based agency. Most of these projects were really just for the money and I don’t really have any interesting to say about them besides that they helped me pay rent in New York.

At the same time I was exposed to the trajectory of some of my friends who took their vision and created profitable businesses over the course of 2 years or less.

Naturally it makes me want to do the same and since about 1 year I’ve been focussing on learning everything I can about how to most intelligently start my own business. (Granted, I did my first startup back in 1999 here in New York and have been trying to create a successful startup business ever since. If you want to talk about persistence, talk to me.) This has taken me a bit longer than I expected but the learning process of going from “I’m an engineer, I can build stuff and once I’ve built it, users will just magically flock to it and throw money at me.” to “I’m not going to build anything before I know that there is a real pain-point being solved and money to be made.”.

After one too many pet web/mobile projects that didn’t go anywhere (about which I’ll happily write another day) my expectations for myself have grown. General Assembly has certainly been the environment where I safely could admit my mistakes to myself and find better, more efficient solutions to creating success.

In fact, without General Assembly I would never have learned to learn again.

It gave me the space and environment to challenge myself continuously and grow as a person, engineer, teacher and entrepreneur.

Most importantly though, General Assembly allowed me to meet great people every day and make lifelong friends.

Alexis Rondeau 95 Spring Street, New York Monday, 8:37 a.m.

Dear John,

Today I would like to share with you a few of those things I’ve found in the past years that keep on giving me tremendous value, inspired me and made me think and act in one way or another.

These are keepers.

1. CONTACTUALLY Suck at being a friend? Staying in touch with friends is hard. Really hard. I have all these friends in my Gmail, but sometimes YEARS would go by until I remembered to send a quick, easy “Hey, how’s it going? Wanna get coffee?”. Well, these dark days of neglecting my social circle are over.

Contactually is a very simple service that prompts me to touch base with 4-8 of my existing friends and clients every day. I’ve organized my contacts in buckets such as “Friends & Family”, “Current Clients” and “Mentors”. And I’ve set different intervals (60, 30 and 90 days respectively) to be reminded to say hi. It integrates with my Gmail account and it gives me a rating of my networking efforts. In the past 10 days I’ve caught up with 20 friends that otherwise would have gotten lost in time.

If you struggle with keeping in touch with personal and professional contacts, try out Contactually today. The personal plan costs $20/mo. which, given that most of my professional gigs come in through my personal network, is well worth it. Highly recommended, top-of-my-list.

Register today at Contactually and start getting back in touch with your network!

1. THE PERFECT HUMAN DIET Food is complicated. Vegetarian? Vegan? Eat meat? Don’t eat meat? What’s actually healthy? What should I eat? SO MANY QUESTIONS! I have finally found the answer for myself and this could be good for you, too. I started researching diet options a few weeks back when I noticed an unusual wave of fatigue in the evenings. I had the gut (hah!) feeling it was related to my diet. I also had gained weight, which is unusual for me.

This is when I found out about this documentary called “The Perfect Human Diet.” It is basically a very well researched explanation of the Paleo Diet which suggests that our body “hardware” has not changed as fast as our diet in the past 300,000 years. We humans were eating a very different diet up until only 10,000 years when the agricultural revolution happened. Our bodies and digestive capacity however have not changed in accordance with our cultural changes and the documentary suggests that eating the way humans ate for the first 299,000 years is a good idea.

It’s pretty simple:

Good for you are lean meats, fish, veggies, salads, eggs and fruit Avoid wheats, cereals, rice, bread and any other carb-heavy foods Avoid dairy and dairy products Avoid processed foods and especially sugars Following this model for the past month I have a few preliminary findings:

It’s possible and I feel consistently better since I’ve switched my diet I’ve begun to shed a few extra pounds and feel mentally and physically lighter Cutting out carbs immediately improved my alertness and overall energy levels Cutting out milk and dairy products is not as hard as I thought it would. I used to drink half a gallon of milk daily but I am not missing it as much. Sugar is a DRUG and I’m craving sugar still on a regular basis and have found a sort of ‘methadone’ replacement in raw honey. But man, sugar cravings still come up daily. I need to monitor my calorie intake especially when working out. In an instance I I did not have the explosive type of calories available during one work out and I suspect it to be the lean diet. Would I recommend this approach?

Yes, absolutely.

Overall, the effects have been positive and I feel healthy in combination with a working out.

You should watch the documentary. It’ll only take an hour of your time but will give you a surprisingly good explanation of why this is good for you.

Speaking of working out…

1. STARTING STRENGTH This is your secret weapon at the gym.

I knew I should work out. I knew I should go to the gym. I wanted to be fitter and leaner and stronger. But all these different programs and fads and techniques were confusing. I wanted to stay safe and healthy and not hurt myself. And spend the least amount of time with the maximum amount of results.

I first learned about strength training in Daniel Duane’s seminal 2010 article titled Everything You Know About Fitness Is a Lie where I learned about Mark Rippertoe’s book and DVD “Starting Strength – Basic Barbell Training”. This one book has been hailed as “The Bible” of strength training by the bodybuilding community. It contains exactly everything you really need to know what to actually do at a gym (any gym with a barbell rack will do!) with the goal TO GET STRONG REALLY FAST.

What I absolutely love about this program a year in is…

Simplicity (You only do 4 simple barbell exercises), Accessibility (Anyone, including myself, can do these exercises safely) and for its guaranteed results (Strength being the foundation for any other activity you might want to do at the gym like Yoga, Pilates, Cardio etc.) Doesn’t matter if you’ve never been to the gym (Like myself a year ago) or if you’ve been going for years (Like my friend Chris who started the program and has been shaping up unlike any other time in years.) If you want to be smart about the time you spend at the gym, get strong and look great fast, there is no other method besides Rippetoe’s Starting Strength.

Amazing. Simple. Efficient. You’ll love it.

Get the DVD, watch it a few times at home, go to any gym and start with very low weights to get the technique. In a month or two you won’t believe how strong you’ll have gotten.

Alright, so I’ve shown you 3 amazing tools for you to try out. You really should. They will improve your life.

Here is

1. Stay in touch with your friends and clients with Contactually
2. Learn about eating better and in accordance with the way your body is designed by watching “The Perfect Human Diet”
3. Get strong with the simplest, most respected training program ANYONE can do

That’s all I got for today. Enjoy and stay warm!

Sincerely,

Alexis

It’s simple.

Everything you’re doing is based one single thing: Breathing.

You can live weeks without food (although of course, who would want that?!). You can stay alive for days without water. But you can only spare your breath for seconds. Maybe a minute or two if you’re good.

Breathing is so powerful that I believe this simple key technique that I’m going to share it with you in just a moment should be taught to everyone in Kindergarten.

In just five minutes I’ll teach you to improve your breathing (and life!) fundamentally.

Here’s a quick test: Inhale deeply now!

If you’re like 99.9999% of the people (including myself two years ago), you’ll most likely inhale quickly sucking all air into your upper lungs and pulling your belly in.

If you you look anything like Superman with a puffed up chest when trying to inhale deeply, well, we’ve got some work to. (In fact, trying to get air into your body this way works against the way your lungs are designed!)

It’s all good though. Breathing correctly is simple. You’ll learn the secret quickly. And we’ll do it right now.

I first learned this technique during the most rigorous Yoga and Meditation teacher training currently in existence. (I’ll write more about this in later articles.)

Since then, I’ve completed intense 40, 90 and 120 day meditations (All of which I’m looking forward to sharing with you soon, too!) and studied dozens and dozens of breathing techniques.

At the core, they all were based on the ability to breathe long and deep.

Breathing long and deep has many, many benefits.

It relaxes and calms you when you’re stressed. It stimulates your thinking and makes you more alert. It energizes you, and increases your vitality naturally.

So. If you learn and remember one thing you ever read from me this is it.

You’ll be able to quickly calm yourself anytime, anywhere. You will be able to cool your mind when things get hot. You will have better focus and concentration when you need them. And you will be able to reduce your anxieties and increase your patience.

When you know this secret to long deep breathing, everything else starts to fall into place.

Imagine having that kind of focus and calmness available to you anytime at home, at work, with friends, while commuting, or travelling.

Ready?

Perfect.

Let’s get started.

How to breathe long and deep:

1. Sit up straight in your seat without leaning against the back. Give yourself 30 seconds just to ‘check in’ in this moment. (Later, you won’t need this anymore, but it’s good to start out with)
2. Put your left hand on your stomach and your right hand on your upper chest so you can get a good sense on where your breath moves inside your body (Also, this part is to get to know the technique and can be skipped when you do it again.)
3. To begin, simply observe your breath and mentally relax. It’s absolutely fine if your breath is shallow. Without using any muscles or intention, just observe your breathing. It’s totally fine if you’re just breathing into your upper lungs etc. Just notice and observe for about a minute or so.
4. Now, begin to notice your exhales. Bring your attention to your exhale. Notice your hands move during your exhale.
5. On the next exhale, when you are just about to inhale again, briefly stop, and squeeze out a little more air than you would usually do. Use your abdominal muscles for this. Your left hand should move towards your spine as you squeeze just the tiniest bit of extra air out by pulling your belly in a bit.
6. When you’ve squeezed out that air, relax your abdominal muscles and rib cage and let the air flow into your lungs with no effort. You’ll probably notice how different this inhale felt. So, let’s go again.
7. Focus and intention on your next exhale. Again, when you think you’ve completely exhaled, stop for a second and use your abdominal muscles to squeeze out more air. This time, gently squeeze, pause, squeeze some more…squeeze some more, even just the tiniest amount… Your left hand should have moved closer towards your spine with every little squeeze. Be gentle with yourself.
8. To inhale, relax your muscles and let the air flow in. Relax and feel how your lungs are expanding into your belly, your ribcage and upper lungs much more naturally now!
9. Lungs are full and ready to exhale? This time, start your exhale very consciously by first gently contracting your upper lungs, then slowly contracting the muscles of your ribcage. Finally, using your abdominal muscles to squeeze out the air at the end. Pause. Squeeze. Pause. Squeeze.
10. When you think you’ve squeezed all the air out, give it one more for good measure.
11. Relax the muscles of your torso and inhale by letting the air just flow in naturally.
12. Continue this pattern of an active and “mechanical” exhale (Step 9) and a completely relaxed inhale (Step 11) for 1 to 3 minutes.
13. To finish, inhale and hold your breath for about 5 seconds. Exhale and relax.

Well done!

If you can remember to actively squeeze some air out using your abdominal muscles at the end of your exhale… Congratulations! You have now learned the key to deep breathing. (Remember: You literally, technically and physiologically can not force a deep inhale due to how our lungs function.)

And finally, I have a small challenge for you: Practise breathing deeply like this every day for 3 minutes for 1 week. I promise it will make you feel great and improve your life immediately. Also, it is the basis for all the cool meditations that are coming up soon!